1. waiting for the bus...
Two drag queens were waiting at the bus stop for the Broadway #36 to get to work. A large German Shepard came lumbering along, sat down next to them and began to lick himself.
One of the ladies seeing what the dog was doing said, "God, I wish I could do that."
The other looked down and replied, "He looks like a friendly dog. Go ahead."
2. madame's parrots...
The madam of a brothel has a problem, so she goes to a local priest. "I have two talking female parrots," she tells him. "All they can say is ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?’"
"That’s awful," the priest agrees, "but I have a solution to your problem. I have two male parrots whom I’ve taught to pray and read the Bible. If we put your parrots with mine, I believe yours will stop saying that awful phrase and will instead learn to recite the word of God."
The next day, the madame brings her parrots to the priest’s house and puts them in with the male parrots, who are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.
"Hi, we’re prostitutes." say the females. "Do you want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks at the other and squawks, "Close the Bible, Frank! Our prayers are answered!"
3. the price is right...
George Bernard Shaw was at a party once and he told this woman that everyone would agree to do anything for money, if the price was high enough.
`Surely not,' she said.
`Oh yes,' he said.
'Well, I wouldn't,' she said.
`Oh yes you would.' he said. `For instance,' he said, `would you sleep with me for... for a million pounds?'
`Well,' she said, `maybe for a million I would, yes.'
`Would you do it for ten shillings?' said Bernard Shaw.
`Certainly not!' said the woman `What do you take me for? A prostitute?'
`We've established that already, madame.' said Bernard Shaw. `We're just trying to fix your price now!'"
4. you do get what you pay for...
Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder and he''s so successful that he gave a friend a new home - for free."
The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He''s so successful that he gave a friend two Cadillacs."
The third man, not wanting to be outdone bragged, "My son is a stock broker and he''s doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio."
The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?" The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay. I''m not totally thrilled about it, but he must be good. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, two cars, and a stock portfolio."
work 'em like you mean it...
oh, and if anyone was offended by these, please remember that I totally subscribe to the Divine Ms. M's belief that -