28 March 2010

monday morning mayhem...

Rednecks are good at sensitive stuff...

Three rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie.

As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed - instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, 'Well, dang, someone should go and tell his wife.'

Donnie says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Ronnie says, 'Where did you get that beer, Donnie ?'

'Cooter's wife gave it to me,' Donnie replies.

'That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?'

'Well, not exactly', Donnie says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Cooter's widow.'"

She said, 'You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow.' Then I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.'

like the man said - Rednecks are good at sensitive stuff.

22 March 2010

monday morning mayhem...

the veterinarian...

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week!

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope o n the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.

"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church."

The pastor replied, "That's wonderful. But $1000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this? How much does he send you?"

The elderly woman answered, "$10,000 a week."

The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?"

"He is a veterinarian," she answered.

"That's an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"

The woman answered proudly, "In Nevada... He has two cat houses, one in Las Vegas , and one in Reno'


keep this in mind for work this week...

Maxine B.S.

15 March 2010

monday morning mayhem...

your duck is dead!

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.

He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head..

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.. The duck's owner, still in shock,took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry.. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."

that's it, just the one this week because...

we are ALL ROTFLOAO...



Maxx New Friends.gif

Hysterical Dog.gif

and they wonder why we need health care reform?

08 March 2010

monday morning mayhem...

Mountain-William alarm system...

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Bertha, Duke, Slim, and I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway. I
locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside. I'll be right back.


let's have some fun this week...
  1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer at Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down;
  2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom... Don't Disguise Your Voice!
  3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
  4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
  5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana'.
  6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get...
  7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat - with a serious face.
  8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
  9. Sing Along At The Opera.
  10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
  11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'
  12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
  13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
15. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity -


Send This list To Someone To Make Them Smile. It's Called...


Widdle Wabbit...

A precious little girl walks into a petsmart shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,

"I don't think my python weawwy gives a thit."

snake cartoon

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Maxx really liked the Wabbit one.
go figure...

05 March 2010


WARNING: gratuitous blonde joke...

During a recent password audit at a company, it was found that a blonde receptionist was using the following password:


When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

blond laughing

03 March 2010

it's great to be an activist...

but there comes a time when you start to get tired of fighting, when you question if it makes a difference at all, when it may be time to let others, younger, keep the ball rolling...

on the other hand, i remember my friend Father Philip Berrigan & his brother Daniel; what if they had decided to give up? would Vietnam still be a nation in turmoil?

at the same time, i realize that they had a single-minded goal; no, not just to end the war, but to awaken humanity; the conversations were about inhumanity and how it prevented us from moving forward to treat each other in peace.

here we are 40 years later and we still are fighting the foes of humanity; we are battling the false witness of ultra-right, christianist wingnuts who tear down instead of build up; we struggle with proving what is just and fair when they merely come from a power struggle mentality;

i fight with myself daily trying to make a decision that i'm not sure i want to make, but each day as i read about the inequities of healthcare, the discrimination of lgbtq, the economic problems of families struggling to make a life for themselves, and the movement towards a theocratic country and i get closer and closer to that decision - one to get out...


get your mind out of the gutter...

but... imho, the teabaggers have been hijacked by the far right and Faux News in direct opposition to what baggers want; and the Becks et al have kept hidden from them the truth on what they historically are basing their 'movement' on"

"It turns out that that the tea baggers, led in part by Michelle Malkin, Glenn Reynolds and the Coward Rick Santelli, are politically more in line with the tax policies of King George than the views of the Sons of Liberty and the colonial patriots. The tax baggers emulating a protest against a corporate tax cut — but, oddly, in support of tax cuts for the rich and corporations. Furthermore, King George was against a corporate bailout loan. And so are the tea baggers."
Suzie-Q's Truth and Justice Blog, 3/18/09

if you look closely before the Palin's, Becks etc got a hold on the teabaggers, you will see that they started out wanting the same change that Obama campaigned on; namely, getting the biggest government ever created, by Tsar George, to move in reverse; the Faux News people won't let the blame fall where it belongs; they use nationalism, progressiveness, communism, nazis, etc as their watch words to keep the fear level high;

btw, it wasnt' British tea that was dumped in the harbor - it was Dutch

Olbermann's Special Comment...

if you saw Keith Olbermann the other night in his Special Comment regarding a followup on his father's illness and "Death Panels", he said that though his father has been semi-conscious he has been reading to him; one thing he's been reading are short stories by James Thurber.

he ended the Special Comment by reading the story below.

The Peacelike Mongoose

by James Thurber

In cobra country a mongoose was born one day who didn't want to fight cobras or anything else. The word spread from mongoose to mongoose that there was a mongoose who didn't want to fight cobras. If he didn't want to fight anything else, it was his own business, but it was the duty of every mongoose to kill cobras or be killed by cobras.

"Why?" asked the peacelike mongoose, and the word went around that the strange new mongoose was not only pro-cobra and anti-mongoose but intellectually curious and against the ideals and traditions of mongooism.

"He is crazy," cried the young mongoose's father.

"He is sick," said his mother.

"He is a coward," shouted his brothers.

"He is a mongoosexual," whispered his sisters.

Strangers who had never laid eyes on the peacelike mongoose remembered that they had seen him crawling on his stomach, or trying on cobra hoods, or plotting the violent overthrow of Mongoosia.

"I am trying to use reason and intelligence," said the strange new mongoose.

"Reason is six-sevenths of treason," said one of his neighbors.

"Intelligence is what the enemy uses," said another.

Finally, the rumor spread that the mongoose had venom in his sting, like a cobra, and he was tried, convicted by a show of paws, and condemned to banishment.

Moral: Ashes to ashes, and clay to clay, if the enemy doesn't get you, your own folks may.

sadly, the people who most need to here this story probably wouldn't understand it; i wonder if the word moral might have something to do with it?


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01 March 2010

monday morning mayhem...

sheesh - another two feet of snow!...

two feet of snow

keyboard for old men...

keyboard for old men

Maxx brought a new friend home while i was away;
this one is fun...