Showing posts with label ironic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ironic. Show all posts

11 October 2009

JFK Hates Democracy...

i was watching the two-part series on the Discovery Channel, JFK: 3 Shots That Changed America, earlier this evening, and at the beginning i struck by something that i saw in vintage film that was being shown.

the footage was of JFK & Jackie getting ready to board Air Force One in Fort Worth for the short flight to Dallas. The date was November 22, 1963.

in the crowd of mostly well wishers and people that were excited to see the President and First Lady was a man in a fedora and trench coat. he was holding a large sign that said:

JFK Hates Democracy


this film was shot approximately 2-3 hours before Mr. Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas.

this was 1963. a time when the country was portrayed as having a mission to repel the evils of communism and socialism, and here, standing in the crowd, was a man spewing the same type of hate we are seeing in this country now with President Obama.

it was eerie. it was unbelievable to me when i first saw it on the television. i was 17 at the time and i never saw this kind of thing back then.

the one thing different between 1963 and today is that the monsters who are spreading this hate today are more virulent and actually calling for the impeach and assassination of a President of the United States out loud ans supported and egged on by people who claim to be patriots and members of the media.

17 September 2009

how the Republicans frakked everything up...

here is the perfect example of the kind of thing that the banks, insurance companies, pharmaceuticals, etc., all great supporters of the Republican Party over the decades, have used to screw everyone over...

Dehydrated Water.jpg



now, of course, through the likes of Glen Beck, Limbaugh and FauxNews, they are in the business of canning hot air also...

oh, and bringing racism to its next level as they deny it vehemently.

09 June 2009

life finds a way...

we have been involved in conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan for several years now. we hear about the fighting and the bombings and the killings. we seldom are made aware of normal activities in these countries.

there have been scattered reports on ABC World News from time to time about life in Baghdad becoming more and more normal and the middle class becoming a moving force in the recreation of the country. they are overshadowed by the persistent extremist organizations and movements.

we are also repeatedly told about how backward Afghanistan has become as a result of the Taliban and reactionary Islamic movements that seek to destroy all things Western and amoral.

when i saw the photos below on ParisianBoys par Seb & Fred today, i was not just taken aback; i would have to say i was a bit shocked. it was one of the last things i would have expected to see.



Mr Afganhistan 2009.jpg



the photo on the right is the winner of Mr. Afghanistan 2009. look at the banner behind the photo on the left. it clearly says it is June 2009. as a matter of fact, the competition was held on June 2nd.

while we are told about the strict requirements of women covering up with burquas and veils, we might expect that something like a bodybuilding competition would be greatly frowned upon by the Taliban, et al. i should imagine this is completely beyond acceptable to the religious sense of the extremists.

yet, as i said in the title of this post - life finds a way.

always...

23 December 2008

the holidays always bring out the best...

the northern half of the U.S., as if there weren't enough problems for the economy and the state of the country, has been having a good old-fashioned winter. lots of snow. lots of ice. AND lots of cold. the last lots is making the electric and gas utility companies happy i'm sure. and it's all happening at the beginning of the joyous holiday season.

joyous! right.

i had my own retail store for a period in the 80's and it showed me the true joyousness the holidays could bring. everyone in retail will know of what i'm speaking. it really brings out the worst in people.

transportation and travel this season is, to understate, a disaster. people who were planning on traveling home for the holidays are rethinking their plans. some people who have already begun their voyages are stranded. this is the part i love.

interviewing a man in Seattle who was stranded because his bus couldn't go anywhere, a reporter was blasted by the man because the bus company stranded him in a place with no alternate plans. he has to be in a station he doesn't know. he might not make it to his destination AND he said that he doesn't even know where he is! [quelle vache!]

it's the bus company's fault.

yes, it must be. they have direct control over the prevailing weather patterns; they have the ability to stop the snow and ice from falling; and they have sole proprietorship of the National Weather Service.

wait, what about the airlines? Amtrack? the auto makers? they must be part of the conspiracy against this man and the others who are so inconvenienced by their utter lack of feeling for him and others who believe just as he does.

if he's from California, maybe he can get some sort of proposition passed to stop the transportation industry from doing these bad things?

just asking...

13 December 2008

the vatican's stance on in-vitro fertilization...

seems off their message concerning marriage.
The Vatican issued its most authoritative and sweeping document on bioethical issues in more than 20 years on Friday, taking into account recent developments in biomedical technology and reinforcing the church’s opposition to in vitro fertilization, human cloning, genetic testing on embryos before implantation and embryonic stem cell research.
Vatican Issues Instruction on Bioethics, New York Times, Dec 13, 2008
Given the church's stance on marriage is for procreation and is only allowed in opposite-sex partnerships, doesn't this rule go against a core belief? if a couple marries to have children and discovers that it is impossible in the normal way [normal according to the RC] why is it wrong for them to use any means to bring more members into the church? It is a life in their definition.

The article in the NYT cites the “Dignitas Personae” that has just been released by the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith. The document is much broader than just in-vitro. It includes stands on abortion, birth control, stem cell research and other bioethical issues, as they define them.

One should understand that the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith is made up of a bunch of old men, clergy, who are not supposed to have sex and are responsible only to the pope and two-thousand years of mythology. Their stand not only applies to the faithful but to all medical and scientific persons who would administer or research no matter what their faith.

A representative from a U.S. organization of catholic medical members explained in-vitro this way:
Kathleen M. Raviele, an obstetrician and gynecologist in Georgia who is president of the Catholic Medical Association, said she tells her patients: “God creates through an act of love, and that’s not what’s happening in the laboratory. It’s the technician who’s creating. What in vitro does, is it separates the creation of a child from the marital act.”
Why would concieving a child in-vitro not be considered a marital act of love? If a couple wants to have a child and they are incapable themselves, why not use in-vitro and, I'd assume, in some cases, a surrogate mother? A life is a life.

Of course, I'm sure there are other considerations behind this "The Dignity of the Person" document, icluding the timing of its release - same-sex marriage, Obama's defense of stem cell research, birth control use in the U.S., etc.

I long ago left the RC of my own volition first, because I couldn't handle the hypocrisy and second, because I no longer could believe in the mythology. There is an issue with faith and believing but, in its present two-thousand year old formulaic incarnation, it declines the one thing that is the basis of that faith and belief - free will.

A bunch of old men, in their infinite wisdom, set out the rules in the guise of guiding the faithful to act as they should but take away the one right they possess - the right to chose.

ironic or hypocritical? i'm not certain into which it falls. maybe both...

12 December 2008

The bailout, a different perspective...


Back in 1990, the US Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it. They failed and it closed.

Now we are trusting the economy of our country to a pack of nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whore house and selling booze?



maybe the automakers are better off with the Senate failure?

just asking...

21 October 2008

the "anti-America"...

Keith Olbermann apologizes for another special comment so soon after the last one. He states that he does not want it to become a regular spot on Countdown but senses that in this, the last two weeks of the 2008 election, it might become more frequent. So, he apologizes.

Last night's comment brought up an old bone of contention for me. The special comment first:



I have mentioned in passing with different posts that I was, to an extent, involved with anti-Vietnam war activities, feelings and protests. This is not something with which I am sorry. Rather, it is something in which I have pride.

At the time, the tenor of the country was if you were anti-war, you were anti-American. I couldn't be more opposed to that line of thinking. I believe the opposite.

At the time, the country was involved in what some, and I include myself, was an illegal war. It was not in the best interest of the country; it was a purely ideological conflict. It was a holdover from the McCarthy era. The fear of Communism was great; U.S. politicians feared that it would dominate the world; patriots believed that the U.S. was in danger of an assault by Communism, i.e. the USSR. Of course, history finally proved that there was nothing to fear and Communism fell.

I am using the word Communism with a big C because it is not the same as the social and economic communism philosophized by Karl Marx and his associates. The big C Communism was a form of government created and fostered by Lenin, Stalin, and other Soviet Union leaders as a form of big brother government that controlled all aspects of the country - thought, behaviour, beliefs, etc. If we were fighting against this in Vietnam, I think there is a case for the conflict.

I question if a small country in Southeast Asia was the place to make the stand though. A country that historically was always in conflict with the West because of imperialistic takeover and control. A French colony that France finally saw as a losing proposition and got out.

I also am reminded of what President Eisenhower warned against in his farewell address: the military-industrial complex.
This conjunction of an immense military establishment and a large arms industry is new in the American experience. The total influence -- economic, political, even spiritual -- is felt in every city, every State house, every office of the Federal government. We recognize the imperative need for this development. Yet we must not fail to comprehend its grave implications. Our toil, resources and livelihood are all involved; so is the very structure of our society.

In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist.

The last eight years has shown the rise of misplaced power. I'm sure that it would not please Mr. Eisenhower if he knew the extent to which his predictions have materialized. Sadly, it was President Eisenhower and his administration that increased the aid to Vietnam under the pretext of the belief at the time that if Vietnam falls, so falls the rest of Southeast Asia.

I mention these things as a little background to my thought process about anti-America.

At the time, in listening to the Vietnam anti-war leaders and the prevailing thought against the conflict, I don't believe that we believed that we were being anti-America. Just the opposite.

My take is that I, along with others, believed that we were being tremendously pro-America. We were questioning, in legal ways to the great extent, the efficacy of the government's actions and exercising what the Constitution guaranteed as a right to disagree with the government.

I discount those that acted violently. They were in the minority and actually worked against the non-violent stance of the majority of anti-war protesters and actions. The purpose of the movement was based primarily on belief in non-violence being the means and best way of action. I have always thought that groups that called for and committed acts of violence were actually counterproductive to the anti-war movement.

Now, knowing that this will ruffle feathers of patriots with narrow mindedness and who believe that there is only one right way to be pro-American, I have to restate that I believed that Daniel & Philip Berrigan, Steven Spiro, and, as it was brought out during the last presidential election, John Kerry considered themselves pro-America because they were working for what they believed to be a just cause that would strengthen the country.

I am as proud of these people as I am proud of Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, Harry Truman, Keith Olbermann, and many others who work to make the U.S. greater and more inclusive of all thoughts as is guaranteed by the First Amendment. Something that self-identified patriots, and I include Mrs. Palin in this group, would control by using it themselves to speak their distaste for dialogue and inclusion.

ironic, i think...

01 September 2008

monday morning mayhem...

true and real mayhem...

i have friends who live in New Orleans and they have safely evacuated, after working hard to rebuild their lives over the last few years. the sad thing is they were finally starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

while i totally bemoan the potential devastation and disruption of life in New Orleans, there is something a bit ironic about Hurricane Gustav's timing.

wasn't it one of the right wing-nut ministers who asked that people pray for rain on the Decmocratic nominiee's speech last week in Denvery? [i remember, it was Stuart Shepard of Focus on the Family! - Evangelicals asked to pray for rain at Barack Obama nomination]

well, it worked! however, i think their timing was off.

it seems to me there has been a lot of smiting and flooding and vengencing in the wing-nut holy book that they put so much literal faith in that they really can't misinterpret this one.

the rain has come when Tsar George was going to speak at their convention and he decided to cancel his speech because of Gustav hurtling toward New Orleans. in the wake of the second greatest disaster of this administration - Hurricane Katrina - it would seem that someone's prayers have been answered, and it wasn't Focus on the Family's.

it would also seem to me it may be wise for them to think twice about what they pray for. it gives pause to their own catch phrase - "God works in mysterious ways." this time it might not be that mysterious. their god just may be sending the Republicans a very clear message.

me thinks they also should start thinking of building an ark before November 4th...

30 June 2008

the ABSOLUTE height of hypocrisy...

Perhaps you will remember Senator David Vitter (R-LA). He's the one that admitted using the DC Madam for, ummm, his pleasure impulses. Well, he's back on the radar.

and you thought you were safe...

Last week he, and Sen. Larry (tap my foot, no I didn't) Craig signed on as co-sponsors of another constitutional amendment that states that marriage can only be between a man and a woman. The Carpetbagger Report has it here - The Federal Marriage Amendment is back — with Vitter’s and Craig’s support.
But the funny part is looking over the list of the 10 original sponsors. Most of the names are predictable — Brownback and Inhofe, for example — but there are two others whose names stand out: Sens. David Vitter (R-La.) and Larry Craig (R-Idaho).

Yes, two of the principal sponsors of a constitutional amendment to “protect” marriage include one far-right Republican who hired prostitutes and another far-right Republican who was arrested for soliciting gay sex
(sic) an airport men’s room.

Hello! As if that were not enough hypocrisy in and of itself, get this...
Vitter - The Only Senator Opposing Removal Of HIV Travel Ban»

got that?


from Wonk Room at Think Progress
In fact, the Senator, who himself engaged in behavior that could have placed him and his wife in danger of contracting HIV, has promoted policies that increase the likelihood that people will become infected with HIV:
- Voted in support of the “prostitution pledge” in PEPFAR which creates obstacles to reaching and serving sex workers.

- Attempted to amend PEPFAR “to reinsert the 33 percent abstinence-only earmark.”
Vitter has a long history of promoting failed abstinence-only policies and supporting legislation that undermines people’s sexual health and equal rights.

let's see if we can make sense of this. Vitter visits prostitutes defending his marriage; Vitter strongly supports abstinence only programs to prevent HIV & STD's; Vitter wants only men and women to be able to get married in order to to save the sanctity of marriage; Vitter supports family values by discriminating against other people; and, finally, Vitter's wife has forgiven him when she made the statement when if she had been Hillary, she would have cut off his penis if she caught him.

nope. sorry. i can't make sense of it. can you?

just asking...

05 June 2008

legacy of the last eight years...




of course it's easy to allege that it's Tsar George's legacy, but i don't thing we can attribute it just to the Republicans. they are just the most obvious and don't hide it from the world. at least that's a bit of honesty on their part.

what is most disturbing is just how much money is driving the world. everybody wants it; everybody lusts after it; everybody needs it.

and the real cost? all we have to do is look around us.

there is more poverty; there are more and more natural catastrophes needing rescues with no resources; there is an environment that is depleting not only natural resources but the very air we breathe; there is an energy crisis that won't go away; there is an infrastructure problem that has roads, bridges, sewer, etc collapsing; there is a health disaster looming as well as one with pension funding...

yet, corporations, and i'll state the obvious with the oil companies, that are making record profits.

what is wrong with this picture?

just asking...

30 May 2008

kinda tough to argue with this one...

TooTrue chief Two Eagles.jpg


Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government official, 'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.'

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, 'Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?'

The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied.

'When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work. Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.'

Then the chief leaned back and smiled. Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.’



like i said, can't argue with this one...

17 April 2008

last night's debate...

i just don't know what i'd do if Jackie and Dunlap weren't keeping everything up to date on what's going on with the Democratic debates...



the brush idea is the best one i've heard yet about what to do with Tsar George. Now they have to find something for Richard Rasputin and all will be well in the world.


i think my
man-crush for Dunlap is getting serious...

10 March 2008

"bless me father for i have sinned...

it has been 39 years since my last confession. in that time i threw paper and cigarettes out the window of my car. i smoked hash. i would not put any money in the Salvation Army kettle.... but, oh, wait a minute, i don't have to worry because i have "Get outta Hell" free card that the Vatican gave me in 1976. so what am i doing this?

Reuters is reporting that the Vatican lists "new sins," including pollution.
VATICAN CITY (Reuters) - Thou shall not pollute the Earth. Thou shall beware genetic manipulation. Modern times bring with them modern sins. So the Vatican has told the faithful that they should be aware of "new" sins such as causing environmental blight.
as if we didn't have enough to worry about?

When asked what the most important of the "new" sins are, Archbishop Gianfranco Girotti, number two in the Vatican "Apostolic Penitentiary," stated to L'Osservatore Romano
"(Within bioethics) there are areas where we absolutely must denounce some violations of the fundamental rights of human nature through experiments and genetic manipulation whose outcome is difficult to predict and control," he said.
whew, at least on that one, i'm okay. i haven't manipulated any genes in..., i don't know how long.... wait, i may never have done it.

But what about the moneylenders who are taking people's homes away from them? what about Tsar George who said torture was acceptable by his veto of the intelligence gathering bill? (wait again..., the church more or less invented moast "enhanced interrogation techniques during the Inquisition.) what about the terrors in Darfur?

i'm sorry. i forgot. the Catholic Church is God's presence on Earth and the pope is infallible.

you know... the Egyptian mythology, the Greek mythology, the Roman mythology were all much more fun than this current acceptable mythology of christianism. at least back then you could sacrifice a pig and eat it afterward, fighting hunger in the community. today they give you a piece of bread or a cracker and say it's the body of Christ.

ewww.... isn't that cannibalism? just asking...

04 March 2008

today's primaries and pri-caucus...

It is now 30 minutes since the polls closed in Ohio. Senator Clinton, with 3% of the districts reporting, is about 500 votes over Senator Obama.

MSNBC has not called the race for Clinton.

In the previous primaries, MSNBC called the races for Obama with 0% of the precincts reporting within <1 to +17 minutes when he had less of a lead than Hillary has now.

interesting, don't you think?

just asking...

eco-oxymoronic...

Out in Washington State a group of eco-terrorists put five multi-million dollar homes to the flames that were under construction to protest their belief that the "green houses" were anything but that.
Ecoterrorism Suspected in House Fires in Seattle Suburb

MALTBY, Wash. — Five luxury homes in a subdivision marketed as “built green” near here were destroyed or severely damaged by fire early Monday, and evidence at the scene suggested the fires might have been started by radical environmentalists who viewed the homes as violating rather than complementing the wooded wetlands in which they were built.

“Built green?” read letters spray-painted onto a bedsheet found hanging on a fence at the site, about 25 miles northeast of Seattle. “Nope Black!

Seems like this group has been using actions like this since the 1990's.

Now, we shouldn't belittle this group, or any other, for standing up for their principles. It's a commendable thing to do when one feels so passionate about something. BUT isn't is a bit ironic that the act of burning down these houses is, in itself, pollution?

I mean, come on, they released fumes from what they believe are actually toxic materials into the air helping to further deplete the ozone layer; they flooded the ground with noxious chemicals released by the fire; they wasted thousands of gallons of water since the fire department had to put the flames out or the surrounding wooded areas would have been destroyed also; and they wasted fuel by using it as an accelerant.

isn't there something, ummm, self-defeating when you use the same tactics that emulate what you are protesting?


FYI: oxymoron comes from the Greek oxumōros that means pointedly foolish. i would use the word stupid instead of foolish.

12 February 2008

Virginia primary...

At exactly 7:00 EST, MSNBC announced that Obama is the winner in Virginia.

7:00 PM! The exact minute that the polls closed. They didn't even give it a minute like last week.

And that it was because 55% of white males supported him.

But the Republican primary is too close to call. I thought McCain is already the candidate of choice? Oh, and it's because the independents decided to vote Democrat because McCain is.

I was going to make this a no comment... post, but why?

the Miss America presidential race continues...

I do have one serious question.

Obama is touted over and over as being a community organizer. I would imagine that this experience is helping him organize voters at the local level and coupled with his no-issue, no-position charisma it may be carrying the weight.

My question is what did he actually organize as a community organizer?

I live in Chicago. I worked in the African-American community. I really don't remember what his organizing actually accomplished or if it is still in effect to this day. I'm serious...

i really don't know.

09 February 2008

David Shuster, Chris Matthews...

A couple of days ago I did a post entitled new addition to the blogosphere... when I talked about a new site I had just started called no comment....

In it I mention where I found the idea - on Euronews. I talked about how refreshing it was to see the news rather than listen to someone's blather about what they thought, how they interpreted what a news item meant, or why it made a difference. Just the news.

Fox News seems to be based on non-reporting reporting. [Can we use the "Enquirer" as a comparison?] Chris Matthews is one of the pundits who does this slanting all the time. Some others who use it are Joe Scarborough, Lou Dobbs, Wolf Blitzer, Glenn Beck.... The list goes on with no seeming end. [Max Headroom be proud!]

There has been much talk lately about Matthews' misogyny especially after an exchange concerning Hillary Clinton, but it has not been limited just to Clinton. There is a pattern with Matthews making these types of comments with other women.

I must say that the issue with David Shuster of MSNBC really does surprise me. I have been watching him and have been impressed with his ability to more or less stay above the fray. He has done reporting rather than editorializing, even when he would sit in for Tucker or Matthews. His style was more interviewing than showing a bent.

One website says that he was having a bad day all the way around when it began on Morning Joe when Scarborough told him not to interrupt him when he's on the phone, asked Mika to tell David about this [as she did with her Joe's a diva smirk], and then told him to continue with what he was saying.

Now the latest on the Shuster matter is being discussed as a plan/ruse/maneuver by MSNBC to keep Hillary from dropping out of the next scheduled debate it's sponsoring, and her campaign has even mentioned it as a possibility [Check here for more on this speculation.]

Whatever...

We spent eight years of Bill Clinton's presidency with all the innuendos and allegations of misdeeds, one after the other. It got so ridiculous that he was finally impeached for a b***j**! It's continued with his wife. The waterboarders have all of that in their plans and are now salivating at the thought of getting to Obama with drugs and who knows what else.

Bush at least made it clear that his twins were off limits, and that must have been a real letdown to the newspeople because those two were potential Britneys or Paris's. He also made it clear that the kind of crap that he and his supporters used on Clinton would not be tolerated. Now, the way is clear again.

I do feel sorry for David Shuster. He did make a mistake and he seems to realize it and has apologized, but it seems he's going to take the brunt of it for other's idiocy.

oh well, all popularity contests have their winners and their losers...

07 February 2008

so, just how much is a BILLION?

The next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases.

A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look at New Orleans. It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division .

Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D), is presently asking the Congress for $250 BILLION to rebuild New Orleans. Interesting number, what does it mean?

A. Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, child), you each get $516,528.

B. Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787.

C. Or, if you are a family of four, your family gets $2,066,012.

Washington, D.C .. HELLO!!! ... Are all your calculators broken?


a friend sent this to me. i don't know what the source is, but it sure seem accurate to me...

03 February 2008

the Pope and me...

While I thought that I had nothing more in common with Benedict XVI than being male and having grown up in the Catholic church, I discovered via Michael Sneed's column in today's Chicago Sun-Times that we have, ummm, a similar taste. And it's not bad, trust me.

Pew news . . .

Gulp! Word is Pope Benedict XVI's favorite libation is not wine: it's orange Fanta soda pop.


Yeah, I know it's really not a big deal, but Orange Fanta in Europe is totally different than in the U.S. It's made with real orange juice and not all the artificial crap with which they make it here. It has a totally different taste that is incredible.

orange-bleue Fanta-3.jpg

Fanta Orange - US.jpg


The first photo is a can from a French website. The second is from a US website. In the second one, you can clearly see the words Artificially flavored Orange Soda. Not in the first one.

When I'm in France it's about the only thing I drink, non-alcoholic, besides Vittel water.

vittel_ensemble.jpg

It's near impossible to buy Vittel in the Chicagoland area. I've even gone to the trouble of contacting Vittel directly to find out where I can buy it. They told me what companies hold the franchise to sell it, but none of them carry it in their stores and no one else can sell it.

jeebus cribes, i love the stuff...

01 January 2008

keep in mind for the New Year...

The Immutable Laws of Life...
good for 2008 - or any year, for that matter...


New Year Scroll.jpeg Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose
will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

New Year Scroll.jpegLaw of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

New Year Scroll.jpegLaw of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the
stupidity of your act.

New Year Scroll.jpegLaw of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

New Year Scroll.jpegLaw of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had
a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

New Year Scroll.jpegVariation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will
start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

New Year Scroll.jpegLaw of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

New Year Scroll.jpegLaw of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically
when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

New Year Scroll.jpegLaw of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

New Year Scroll.jpegLaw of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

New Year Scroll.jpegLaw of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle
arrive last.

New Year Scroll.jpegThe Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask
you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

New Year Scroll.jpegMurphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent
lockers.

New Year Scroll.jpegLaw of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down
on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and
cost of the carpet or rug.

New Year Scroll.jpegLaw of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

New Year Scroll.jpegBrown's Law of a Womans Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

New Year Scroll.jpegOliver's Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

New Year Scroll.jpegWilson 's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will
stop making it.

New Year Scroll.jpegDoctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor,
by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an
appointment and you'll stay sick.


Happy New Year!