A State Highway employee stopped at a farm to talk with an old Iowa farmer.
He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for a possible new road."
The old farmer said, "OK, but you can't go in that field over there."
The Highways employee boasted, "I have the authority of the State Government to go where I want. See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on your farm land."
The old farmer shrugged his shoulders and went on about his farm chores.
A short while later, he heard loud screams and saw the State Highways employee running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's prize bull. The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets and the bull was gaining on the employee at every step!!
The old farmer called out, "Show him your card!!"
2. does it pay to drink and drive sometimes?
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
"So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
3. the confessional...
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin', there's no paper on this side either!"
4. oh, oh, caught again...