now that school is out...
A number of primary schools were doing a project on "The Sea." Kids were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the 'better' ones:
1. This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)
2. Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves to chargers. (Christopher age 7)
3. Oysters' balls are called pearls.(James age 6)
4. If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all around you, you are incontinent. (Wayne age 7)
5. I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth. Just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kyle age 6)
6. A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8)
7. When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7)
8. I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)
9. When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy shrink. (Kevin age 6)
all perfectly logical, if you ask me...
Ole's at it again...
A young Norwegian couple, new immigrants, decided to get married, so they went to the Municipal Office to apply for a marriage license.
The clerk, starting with the man, was helping the couple to fill out the forms. When he asked the man his full name he stated "Ole Oleson", to which the clerk replied, "You must be Norwegian", to which Ole replied, "Ya sure!"
When the clerk finished helping Ole to fill out all of the forms, he turned to the young lady and asked, "And what is your name young lady?", to which she replied, "Telma Swenson,"
The clerk looked at her blond hair and fair complexion and said, "You must have a little Norske in you too eh?" to which Thelma, blushing, replied, "Ya, Ole couldn't vait!"
they start young...
Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny’s father to ask him for her hand. Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, ‘Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.’
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, ‘Well Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?’
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, ‘In Jenny’s room. It’s bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely.’
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, ‘Okay then how will you live? You’re not old enough to get a job. You’ll need to support Jenny.’
Again, Bruce instantly replies, ‘Our allowance. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That’s about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine.’
By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Bruce has put so much thought into this. He thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Bruce won’t have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, ‘Well Bruce, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two o f you should have little ones of your own?’
Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, ‘Well, we’ve been lucky so far.’
Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable.
more proof that abstinence only doesn't work. sorry, Mr. Bush...