06 August 2007

monday morning mayhem...

1. exactly what paper are you reading?
real headlines from the main stream media
Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

and no, i won't tell you what newspapers they are from...

2. did Groucho know George W?
“He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.”
- Groucho Marx

3. my favorite line from the YKos Convention this weekend...
Did you ever see Cheney and Rumsfield together? Don't they remind you of the two old guys up in the balcony on the Muppets? Only they're not funny...

4. of course you don't really have to be blonde...
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist explains to the woman they don’t sell rectum deodorant… and that in fact he’s never heard of it before.

The blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store for years and needs some more.

“I’m sorry”, says the pharmacist, “we don’t have any.”
“But I always get it here,” says the blonde.
“Do you have the container it comes in?” asks the pharmacist.
“Yes!” said the blonde, “I’ll go home and get it.”

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, “This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.”

Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: “To apply, push up bottom.”

No comments: