29 June 2009

monday morning mayhem...

idiot sighting...

I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.

Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, lo oked into the cart and asked sweetly, 'So which six items would you like to buy?'

Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?

my trip to costco...

Yesterday I was at my local Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my folk's loyal pet, Yuks the Wonder Dog, and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I was buying all that for one dog.

What did she think I was buying it for an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do (yeah right) and a hard time being gentle with the unguided, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again... I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 30 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry...it really worked.

The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line and the checkout area was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both...

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard, I did make quite of lot of people smile out loud.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore... we now go to Sam's.

Better watch what you ask us retired people. We have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say. Forward this to all your crazy old retired friends........it will be their Laugh for the day and give them something to try out tomorrow at the Costco near them.

Life just gets better and better....well it sure seem that way to me!

[another idiot sighting]

Maxx Happy.gif
Maxx wouldn't even let me get to the end of the post.
i'm not sure, but i think he knew the Irish Setter...

and here's another idiot question...

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

speaking of Maxx...

he's applied for a new job -

Alcohol Research.jpg

something tells me Maxx would be over-qualified...

now he's pissed at me and called his friend Otto to come and take care of me.

i'm quaking in my boots.
i also know that Otto will do anything for a beer.
i have more beer than Maxx...

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