monday morning mayhem...

for those who love the philosophy of ambiguity....(as well as the idiosyncrasies of English)...

1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR...
2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
3. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, 'WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?' SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
7. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
8. IF A DEAF PERSON SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES & THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

and finally -

WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED 'HEMORRHOIDS' INSTEAD OF 'ASSTEROIDS'?


these are important questions to consider. i don't know if i can make it through the day now...


why boys need parents...






i just can't help myself...

She was Soooooooo Blonde .
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."

She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."
* She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
* She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.

She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
* She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
* She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:

She is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...





She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.



i am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad...




actually, i'm even worse than you know. as you are reading this i am on RCCL's Freedom of the Seas in the Caribbean Sea on my way to Labadee, Haiti...

weekender...

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when...




1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.




2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.




3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.




4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.




5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.




6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.




7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen




8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.




10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.




11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )




12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.




13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.




14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.




15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.




hmmmm... i'm going to have ponder these over the next week, while i'm sitting at the pool on the Freedom of the Seas drinking Pina Coladas.

Pina Coladas? i must be kidding. i drink Sapphire by the glass - unless it's free. well, wouldn't you?

have a great weekend and don't think about work until Monday. actually, don't even think about it on Monday. pretend it's still Sunday...

too serious today...

and for the last couple of days. i need a joke!

given that we have been experiencing a cold winter all over the U.S. this year - the high in Orlando, Florida yesterday was 49° - i got this from a friend yesterday that i think ALL of us can agree with...




i'm so happy i'm leaving for the Miami and the Caribbean tomorrow, but i don't mean to be throwing it in your face.

yes i do.

you can get in a car or on a plane and go someplace warm. or just go lie in a tanning bed for 20 minutes. it ain't the real sun, but it's the next best thing...

and so it begins...

The litany of crimes and blunders by the Bush Administration began with an interview on Keith Olbermann last night of NSA Analyst Russell Tice who said that private citizens, including journalists, were wiretapped and eavesdropped - all secretly and without permission from the courts. [see Buzzflash: NSA Spied on Journalists]

As i said in previous posts, the truth is going to start coming out. The one thing it's going to prove is how distressed the government actually became and how compromised.

Previous administrations may have weakened the Executive Branch with actions that were taken, but the Bushies has put the entire constitutional system at question and in jeopardy. They have taken the Declaration of Independence and put it on its head.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Powe

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Yes, these are lines taken directly from the Declaration of Independence. The he in the lines refers to another George - the III.

It is going to take a long time to reestablish the democracy we've enjoyed for more than two-hundred years, to put the separation of the three branches back into place so that they can provide checks and balances again, and to build the trust the people have in their government.

Mr. Obama has his work cut out for him. It will take some time, but the one thing history has proven, whether it be the Civil War, Teapot Dome, or Watergate, we've been able to step up and correct the abuses that knocked the march forward off its tracks.

I just hope that this time these abuses are not so earth-shattering that they can't be fixed. Being the cynic that I am, I'm not at all sure it can happen in my lifetime.

I do have one suggestion that I think will help - term limits in the House and Senate just as in the Presidency and eliminate life-tenure for justices and judges. Six consecutive two-year terms for Representatives and two for the Senate. Twelve years is long enough. Reevaluation of judges and justices on a set schedule by both/either legislative and citizen election procedures. If these men/women don't have to be politicking and running for reelection starting the day after an election, perhaps the focus will be on bringing about the true reasons for government - a contract between citizens for their own and future generations, justice for all people, equality for everyone and a sharing of the benefits equally.

and so it begins...

isn't this a bunch of Bush**...

Senate Republicans To Delay Holder Confirmation Over Torture Prosecutions

Senate Republicans hope to delay a vote on the confirmation of Eric Holder to become attorney general in order to pressure him to say whether he will prosecute intelligence agents for torture if they were following orders and acting within what they believed to be legal guidelines.

Holder told the Judiciary Committee last week that waterboarding is "torture" and therefore illegal. Susan J. Crawford, the top Bush administration official overseeing the trials of detainees, told the Washington Post that at least one individual held at the prison center at Guantanamo Bay was "tortured."

The question Republicans want answered before Holder is confirmed: Will you prosecute those who took part in that torture?
Ryan Grim, Huffington Post, January 21. 2009

He's not gone one day and the "rule of law" question is one of the first things to be questioned. Sen. Sen. John Cornyn (R-Texas) is blocking the

Even Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.), later in the day, said that it would be impossible for any prosecutor to say who should or should not be prosecuted before s/he gets the facts or even knows what actions were committed. Cormyn himself was a prosecutor in a former life; he knows better. Said Graham,

agreed with Sen. Leahy that Holder can't rule out prosecutions before he becomes the top prosecutor.

"What I believe we should do is not politicize this, the idea of prosecutions coming from the hard left. Making a commitment that we'll never prosecute someone is probably not the right way to proceed, either," he said. "I think President Obama's administration is going to have a forward look on this, unless there's something egregious out there I think they'll move on. But no I don't expect him to rule it in or rule it out."

"In individual cases, if there's allegations of mistreatment judges can handle that and you can determine what course to take," he said.

It is going to take a long time to re-institute the Constitution. I fear the damage to it may be much greater than anyone of us knows. This was an exceptionally dark period in American history and the history of democracy.



what's the old saying about power? maybe it's time for term limits in the U.S. Congress. the old farts like Cormyn. if you break the law, you break the law. since when could Congress, or any other legislative body, pass a law that says no one should be prosecuted for breaking the law - before the law's been broken?

also, given the fact that even Tsar George himself last week said that there was torture, anyone who did the waterboarding or any other act had to know what they were doing was illegal, no matter what they were told. at the very least they should have known it was immoral.

well, maybe that would be too much to ask...

man did this look great...

it stopped! thank the fates. the nightmare of the last eight years is over. now, the mess has to be cleaned up.

i'm going to leave it in the sidebar for a couple more weeks, just to make sure it really is over...

inaugaration day...

the way i see it...

there is a huge, major difference between organized religion and humanism or atheism.

the vast majority of the world's organized religions see themselves as more deserving, more special and more equal than anyone else because of the beliefs in their gods, who promise them that their worship will give people a better chance of happiness and salvation. in that respect, it is all right to detract and discriminate against someone who does not believe. they are doomed and of no importance. [sort of shoots the idea hate the sin, love the sinner all to blazes.]

humanism and atheism, on the other hand, believe that ALL people have happiness and don't need salvation but a rewarded by the way they treat and revere others right here, right now, where it is the most important.

the second part of this is humanists/atheists don't go around overtly trying to convince/convert religious to come over to their side. they are willing to let the religious believe as they wish - as long as they allow them to believe as they wish, but even then, we tend to keep our mouths closed. this is usually not because of the heated exchange that might follow but because it's just not worth arguing logically with others who believe in myth rather than reality.

actually, when you think about it atheists are also humanists. interesting.

at least that's the way i see it...

monday morning mayhem...

it's the tender little moments...

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening. Suddenly, she felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, then moved down past the small of her back, caressed her shoulders and neck.

He then slowly worked his hand down over her chest, stopping just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her chest again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.

Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

As she had become quite aroused b y this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, 'That was wonderful! Why did you stop?' He said, 'I found the remote'


as i've said before, "...and that's when the fight started..."


no wonder the medicine don't work...





Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, ''Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?'

Mabel answered, 'I have a suppository in my ear?'

She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, 'Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid.'


certainly gives new meaning to "Stick it in your ear."



you all have a great week, and be careful. especially with what you stick in your ear...

the thing we'll miss about Tsar George...

yeah, i know it ain't gonna be much, but he was fodder for all the comics, and he did it by just being himself. here are some of the more memorable lines he used. no one, but no one, could have made these up...

"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." — September 2000, explaining his energy policies at an event in Michigan.

• "Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?" — January 2000, during a campaign event in South Carolina.

• "They misunderestimated the compassion of our country. I think they misunderestimated the will and determination of the commander in chief, too." — Sept. 26, 2001, in Langley, Va. Bush was referring to the terrorists who carried out the Sept. 11 attacks.

• "There's no doubt in my mind, not one doubt in my mind, that we will fail." — Oct. 4, 2001, in Washington. Bush was remarking on a back-to-work plan after the terrorist attacks.

• "It would be a mistake for the United States Senate to allow any kind of human cloning to come out of that chamber." — April 10, 2002, at the White House, as Bush urged Senate passage of a broad ban on cloning.

• "I want to thank the dozens of welfare-to-work stories, the actual examples of people who made the firm and solemn commitment to work hard to embetter themselves." — April 18, 2002, at the White House.

• "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." — Sept. 17, 2002, in Nashville, Tenn.

• "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." — Aug. 5, 2004, at the signing ceremony for a defense spending bill.

• "Too many good docs are getting out of business. Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." — Sept. 6, 2004, at a rally in Poplar Bluff, Mo.

• "Our most abundant energy source is coal. We have enough coal to last for 250 years, yet coal also prevents an environmental challenge." — April 20, 2005, in Washington.

• "We look forward to hearing your vision, so we can more better do our job." — Sept. 20, 2005, in Gulfport, Miss.

• "I can't wait to join you in the joy of welcoming neighbors back into neighborhoods, and small businesses up and running, and cutting those ribbons that somebody is creating new jobs." — Sept. 5, 2005, when Bush met with residents of Poplarville, Miss., in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.

• "It was not always a given that the United States and America would have a close relationship. After all, 60 years we were at war 60 years ago we were at war." — June 29, 2006, at the White House, where Bush met with Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi.

• "Make no mistake about it, I understand how tough it is, sir. I talk to families who die." — Dec. 7, 2006, in a joint appearance with British Prime Minister Tony Blair.

• "These are big achievements for this country, and the people of Bulgaria ought to be proud of the achievements that they have achieved." — June 11, 2007, in Sofia, Bulgaria.

• "Mr. Prime Minister, thank you for your introduction. Thank you for being such a fine host for the OPEC summit." — September 2007, in Sydney, Australia, where Bush was attending an APEC summit.

• "Thank you, Your Holiness. Awesome speech." April 16, 2008, at a ceremony welcoming Pope Benedict XVI to the White House.

• "The fact that they purchased the machine meant somebody had to make the machine. And when somebody makes a machine, it means there's jobs at the machine-making place." — May 27, 2008, in Mesa, Ariz.

• "And they have no disregard for human life." — July 15, 2008, at the White House. Bush was referring to enemy fighters in Afghanistan.

• "I remember meeting a mother of a child who was abducted by the North Koreans right here in the Oval Office." — June 26, 2008, during a Rose Garden news briefing.

• "Throughout our history, the words of the Declaration have inspired immigrants from around the world to set sail to our shores. These immigrants have helped transform 13 small colonies into a great and growing nation of more than 300 people." — July 4, 2008 in Virginia.

• "The people in Louisiana must know that all across our country there's a lot of prayer — prayer for those whose lives have been turned upside down. And I'm one of them. It's good to come down here." — Sept. 3, 2008, at an emergency operations center in Baton Rouge, La., after Hurricane Gustav hit the Gulf Coast.

• "This thaw — took a while to thaw, it's going to take a while to unthaw." Oct. 20, 2008, in Alexandria, La., as he discussed the economy and frozen credit markets.


you too can have an Ivy League education, just don't wish it on your kids...

an oxymoron?

Singer Boy George has been sent to jail for falsely imprisoning a male prostitute in his east London flat.

The judge at Snaresbrook Crown Court said the star, real name George O'Dowd, has used "gratuitous violence."

Boy George sentenced to 15 months in prison, pinknews.co.uk

now, if i'm not mistaken the antonym for gratuitous is necessary. at least, that's according to Thesaurus.com. the synonym would then be unnecessary

think about some of the violence we hear about. the killings of children in Gaza this last three weeks; the bombing of the police training facility in Kabul today; the shooting of five students at Dunbar High School in Chicago after a basketball game last week.... i think you get the picture.

by synonym and antonym, violence then would either be necessary or unnecessary.

can someone please tell me something that is necessary violence, please?

oh, and if you look at another of the classic definitions of gratuitous you discover that it also means free...

but isn't there a fee for violence? someone, usually the victim, pays for it?

i mean, i'm just asking...



as far as Boy George, i've always thought him a bit gratuitous.

If I listen to your lies would you say
I'm a man without conviction
I'm a man who doesn't know
How to sell a contradiction
You come and go
You come and go

Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon

well, the conviction part is no longer true. he's been sentenced to 18 months in prison. that's karma, i suppose...

weekender

church problem...




There were five houses of religion in a small Texas town:

The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church, the Catholic Church and the Jewish Synagogue. Each church and Synagogue was overrun with pesky squirrels.

One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will..






In The BAPTIST CHURCH the squirrels had taken up habitation in the Baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the Baptistry and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.




The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.





But -- The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas, Ash Wednesday, Palm Sunday and Easter.





Not much was heard about the Jewish Synagogue, but they took one squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision and they haven't seen a squirrel on the property since.





*************************************



For all who appreciate the outdoors... the rarely photographed South Florida Squirrel.





if you hit the house of worship this weekend, pray for the squirrels...

i know where the $350 billion went...

most of the people that Mr. Paulson has running the bailout are from Goldman Sachs. it's obvious that this is their accounting system.

all explained now...

monday morning mayhem...

i became confused when I heard these terms
with reference to the word 'service'.

Internal Revenue 'Service'
U.S.Postal 'Service'
Telephone 'Service'
Cable 'Service'
Civil 'Service'
Customer 'Service'
State, City & County Public 'Service'

This is not what I thought 'service' meant.

But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'service' a few cows.

BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those 'service' agencies are doing to us. I hope you are as enlightened as I am.

i could have flunked the test...



just right for all of us who are now 50% poorer than we were a year or two ago...





i wonder how much they want for it?



and finally, a a pearl from Maxine...


The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.






don't get flushed this week at work...

blogging...

posts have been few for a number of reasons. Monday Morning Mayhem and Weekender are easy because i can do them well in advance and they will post themselves.

for one thing, i got the double whammy over the holidays. i had that violent stomach flu Christmas week and then i caught a cold from kids so New Years week was worthless also. it was the first time i've stayed home New Year's Eve in many years. i think i was asleep by 8:30, maybe even 7:30. i can't even remember.

on top of that, the back problems continue. i need to have more surgery. it will be scheduled either the second or third week in February. to be better prepared, unlike the last one where there was nothing i could do, i've been working with a physical trainer who has a background in physical therapy and a massage therapist who specializes in therapeutic massage. the two have been working me to get my legs and abs strong enough to make it through the surgery better. both take up a lot of time and sometimes i've been completely wiped out - especially after the massage. go figure...

another reason for not blogging as much is that i'm just into not reacting to all of the s*** that's going on. i'm tired of hearing about Obama. it's all like a cultist thing and everything he's putting together is a Clinton administration. as i've written before, people should have just voted for Hillary - i did.

the crap going on in Illinois is beyond circus. you all, in other parts of the country, are hearing just a small portion and they are sensationalized.

there are very serious thoughts here that, even if Blago is forced out of the governorship since he's been impeached, the federal trial might be in big trouble. his attorneys have filed a motion to get Patrick Fitzgerald off the case because of the comments he's made in the initial press conference and since. he really may have blown it. he broke every policy involved with the federal handling of investigations with the comments he made. i don't think he was ready for the announcement but he was forced into it, and i don't believe it was because he felt it necessary because of his fear what Blago might have done. and if the federal trial goes bust, what fools are the Illinois legislators going to look like?

let me put it this way: it's near impossible for them to look bigger fools than they already are. the state politics in Illinois have always been an us vs. them - Chicago versus the rest of the state. meanwhile, the entire infrastructure is falling apart from schools to bridges to roads. all because they were constantly fighting with Blago instead of putting their focus where it should have been. hell, the Speaker of the Illinois House (Madigan) refused to speak to Blago for years.

as far as the happenings around the rest of the world, what's changed? the Middle East is the same old, same old. Israel does it's usual "The U.S. is changing presidents. We better do what we want now, because we don't know if the new guy will let us." and the Palestinians are doing the same things for the same reasons.

these people have been fighting for over 5,000 years. do they even know what they are fighting about anymore? as far as anti-semitism being at the heart of it? hellllloooo! both sides are semite! they all came from the same background of tribes.

same sex marriage? there are more important LGBTQ issues that need to be addressed. i know, i know. the leaders are saying that ENDA, DADT, and other basic rights are soooooo 1990's, but we still don't have them in all states. the U.S. Constitution still does not guarantee that all people are the same, no matter what the words are.

marriage of any kind seems to be on the way out. 50%+ divorce rates? more people procreating without being married, and they are doing it with a plan. that kind of shoots the marriage argument from the churches all to hell. the only thing you need to do to have children is screw.

if the wingnuts are really serious about saving marriage, they should be getting laws passed that outlaw divorce and have mandatory contraception until you get married. wouldn't that bolster their concept of ideal marriage? they could even go one step further. why not you have to pass a test and be certified before you can even have the fun to procreate? you don't get and A? NO screwing!

maybe David Vitter wouldn't have gotten into trouble. or the governor of New York. or Bill Clinton. hey, maybe it's an idea who's time has come.

and don't even get me started on the Panzerpope. "Will no one rid me of this meddlesome priest?"

as you can see, my cynicism is at a very high level. that alone has been blocking me from posting. what use can it do? there's never going to be a change.

well, yes, there will be a change. in 13 days i'll be in Miami where it is 80° and then onto the Freedom of the Seas for an Atlantis cruise in the Caribbean.

AND IT HAS BEEN SNOWING LIKE HELL HERE SINCE LAST NIGHT AND CONTINUING TODAY...

sorry, i couldn't help but scream. we all need some sun and warmth since there has been so little of it...

weekender...

a different gratuitous (illustrated) blonde joke...


An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde guy opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch.





hey! turn about is fair play.


have a gin with your bologna this weekend...

there "probably" is not a god?

From London via the New York Times: Atheists Send a Message, on 800 British Buses

In response to a religious message on the side of a London Transit bus Ariane Sherine, a comedy writer, checked out the web site on the sign and found out that she was going to hell. She was taken aback.

and then she thought, how about putting some atheist messages on the bus, as a corrective to the religious ones?

And so were planted the seeds of the Atheist Bus Campaign, an effort to disseminate a godless message to the greater public. When the organizers announced the effort in October, they said they hoped to raise a modest $8,000 or so.

But something seized people’s imagination. Supported by the scientist and author Richard Dawkins, the philosopher A. C. Grayling and the British Humanist Association, among others, the campaign raised nearly $150,000 in four days. Now it has more than $200,000, and on Tuesday it unveiled its advertisements on 800 buses across Britain.

“There’s probably no God,” the advertisements say. “Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.”

Wow! Think there may be a little backlash going on to the ever-present propaganda coming from the religious?

One very telling comment in the article struck me:

“I think it’s dreadful,” said Sandra Lafaire, 76, a tourist from Los Angeles, who said she believed in God and still enjoyed her life, thank you very much. “Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I don’t like it in my face.”

Well, Sandra Lafaire, 76,a tourist from Los Angeles, how do you think some of the rest of us feel when at every turn in our daily lives we are bombarded by your opinion?

I get pretty sick of it.

As far as the probably in the ad as well as this blog title, the word had to be used in the ad because of laws and rules in England!

An interesting element of the bus slogan is the word “probably,” which would seem to be more suited to an Agnostic Bus Campaign than to an atheist one. Mr. Dawkins, for one, argued that the word should not be there at all.

But the element of doubt was necessary to meet British advertising guidelines, said Tim Bleakley, managing director for sales and marketing at CBS Outdoor in London, which handles advertising for the bus system.

For religious people, advertisements saying there is no God “would have been misleading,” Mr. Bleakley said.

“So as not to fall foul of the code, you have to acknowledge that there is a gray area,” he said.

and advertisements implying that there IS a god are NOT misleading?

just asking...

where is the "change" we can believe in?

so far, almost every appointment Obama has made is a Clintonite!

he was elected with the help and power of youth, African-Americans and LGBTQ.

so far, there are very few of them...

looks like more same old, same old to me.

soooo, where is the change?

just asking...

monday morning mayhem...

Maxine about your boss...

The difference between the Pope and Your boss?
The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

gratuitous blonde joke...

i know. it's been a long time.


A blonde said, 'I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off.
I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid.'




hello...

Bugatti Veyron's great-great-grandfather...

Autoblog has this exciting post up today about the "barn find" of the decade. for those of you not aware of what that is, it is the discovery of a classic car that had been thought long destroyed or gone literally found in a barn.

in this case, an original 1937 Bugatti Type 57S Atalante. there were only 17 of these cars made. so, it's really a rare find. it's also in it's original form never having been restored in any way. you can read the entire story here - Barn Find of the Decade: 1937 Bugatti Type 57S Atalante. make sure you check out the full gallery of photos.

after looking at the photo below, try to guess how much this car may be worth. remember, it's great-great-grandson, the Bugatti Veyron, starts at $1.6 million.







ready? the initial guess is that it will go at auction for at least $8.8 Million!

sweet...

weekender...

now that the new year has started, many people have to go through all the hassles with health insurance. ABC World News did a story New Year's Eve on a run on doctors and hospitals because people didn't want to have to pay higher costs that would start after the first of the year nor did they want to start over with their yearly deductible. some were also facing new insurance programs with their employers.

here's a list that everyone should keep in mind if you're not sure if your insurance has changed:

The Top Ten indicators that your employer has changed to a cheaper health care plan.

10. Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.

9. Directions to your doctor's office include "take a left when you enter the trailer park."

8. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.

7. The only proctologist in the plan is Gus from Roto-Rooter.

6. The only item listed under Preventative Care Coverage is "an apple a day".

5. Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

4. "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges." is not a typographical error.

3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

2. Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M's on them.

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'VE JOINED A VERY CHEAP HEALTH CARE PLAN:

1. You ask for Viagra, and they give you a Popsicle stick and duct tape.


you still have the next two days before starting the work new year. enjoy. have another glass of gin...

happy new year from Benedict...

A new statute coming into effect on January 1st will allow the Vatican to bypass Italian law.

This comes in the wake of a row at the UN, where the Vatican refused to sign up to a universal declaration of human rights regardless of gender or sexuality.

Under current laws, the Holy See must accept Italian laws automatically apart from in the case of "radical incompatibility" with canon law.

The new statute signed by Pope Benedict XVI will put an end to this system.

From the start of the new year, all Italian laws will be subject to scrutiny by Vatican authorities before being implemented in the city-state itself.

"Vatican breaks with Italian law after refusing to sign UN sexuality declaration" from PinkNews.co.uk

of course, he has his mouthpieces not connecting it to the UN resolution but to the myriad of Italian laws that are impossible to wade through. [how convenient...]

President of the Commission for the Revision of the Code of Vatican Law Jose Maria Serrano Ruiz said that the decision to change the legal system was due to the "instability" and "exorbitant" number of Italian laws.

see, here's what they really believe -

The Vatican's observer at the UN claimed last week that the declaration will somehow be used to force countries to recognise same-sex marriage.

"If adopted, they would create new and implacable discriminations," said Monsignor Celestino Migliore.

"For example, states which do not recognise same-sex unions as 'matrimony' will be pilloried and made an object of pressure."

so this is what we have. it is all right to discriminate against certain groups [that he chooses] but not to discriminate against others - like him. oh, by the way, the U.N. declaration makes no mention of marriage whatsoever - just advising that no one should be legally victimized because of their sexuality.

talk about obfuscation...

as i've quoted Henry II before, "Will no one rid me of this meddlesome priest?"

2009...

for the first time in many years, i spent New Year's Eve alone. well, with a terrible cold actually. having worked at both a bar and a restaurant years ago, i came to the conclusion that New Year's Eve was amateur night - let's see how drunk we can get...! i felt safer behind the bar.

for the last 14 years i've spent the evening quietly with friends. usually i cook a multi-course dinner with matching wines and go over the top. it's fun; i love to cook; and it's nice ringing in the new year this way. this year, friends went home for the holidays so we're skipping the tradition. plus, with this cold, i don't feel like doing anything.

that's not true. i had a glass of gin. not just any gin - Bombay Sapphire in the new designer martini glass i got for Christmas...

Happy New Year!