What if god is a woman? That means not only am I going to hell, but I won't even know why!
i don't mean to be sexist, but i've often thought, if there is a god, there would be a 50/50 chance she would be female. i also tend to like the idea of god as female. of course, if it were true, we'd all be wearing clean underwear all the time. you know..., in case we were in an accident...
2. you don't have to have old-timers for this...
A man approached a very beautiful woman in Wal-Mart and said, "I've lost my wife here at Wal-Mart. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
The woman looked puzzled. "Why talk to me?" she asked.
"Because every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere."
3. retirement planning...
If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00..
With Enron, you would have had! $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.
With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, You would have had $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
It's called the 401-Keg Plan
wouldn't have done me any good. i don't like beer. now, gin on the other hand... [when asked once how i like my gin, my response was "by the glass."]
4. finally, an auto alarm that might work...
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