I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road and slowly
the driver gets out of the car. . . and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed
and life-stuff seems to get funny?
Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it . . . . . . . he was a DWARF!
He storms over to my car, looks up at me and angrily says, "I'M NOT HAPPY!"
So, I look down at him and say, "Well, then which one are you?"
That's when the fight started.
IRISH BIRTH CONTROL...
Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.
The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband 2 years ago?'
She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'
The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?'
She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'
The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.'
She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father.' They then parted ways.
Some years later they met again. The Father asked, 'Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?
She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!' The Father asked, 'And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?'
She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in all!'
The Father said, 'That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?'
She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle.'
THE RELATIONS
Ole and Lena were getting on in years. Ole was 92 and Lena was 89.
One evening they were sitting on the porch in their rockers and Ole reached over and patted Lena on her knee. "Lena, vat ever happened tew our sex relations?"
"Vell, Ole, I yust don't know," replied Lena. "I don't tink ve even got a card from dem last Christmas."
i know it's Sunday and not Monday, but the mayhem is starting a day early for me. i'm finally getting my back fixed tomorrow and i can't wait. 5 months of constant pain starts wearing more than thin. i'll have to be in the hospital for a week and then to a rehab center for at least two.
posting will most likely be non-existent this week and infrequent after that. i will have my iPhone, but really don't know what condition i'll be in to do much. if i get a chance, i'll post brief updates.
i know the neurosurgeon has given me a timeline of three weeks until full movement returns and a couple, three months for full recovery, but i intend to work it faster than that.
i'm tired of only being able to sit around...
1 comment:
Sorry about the accident, but the dwarf story is really funny!
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