12 July 2009

you know those pesky email requests from foreign countries...

you know. the ones that are scams to get your credit cards, personal information, etc?

well, this is the one i just received and it's a beaut!

Dear Friends,

My name is Ndugood. I am a wealthy Nigerian prince who loves the jazz of music.

I am seeking your help to move $200,000,000 from my checking account here in Nigeria to the United States.

I too love the jazz of music and am planning to flee to America to open many jazz clubs at which I would like you to perform.

You will receive $42,000 a night, plus a meal. My new "Tribal Village Vanguard" clubs will be of great success and you will become rich like the rest of American jazz musicians.

I have already applied for building exemptions to allow thatched stages and the spearing of live animals. But I desperately need your help.

My tribe, the Swindlisi, a peaceful jazz-loving people, has been horribly oppressed by the ruling military junta, which despises the jazz of music.

My father, an exiled king and booking agent, was recently imprisoned under the Draconian "three gigs - you're out" law, and now I must flee my beloved country with all of my improbable wealth - But I need help in moving it.

I have so much money that it will not fit in the allotted two checked bags and one carry-on.

I am therefore want to transfer the money through your ATM system (The Nigerian ATM system cannot exchange international currencies; it only converts "Antelope To Money").

So please to just provide me with your full name and address, social security
number, bank account and PIN numbers, and you will become incredibly (literally) rich from playing many jazz gigs.

(Note: normal Nigerian Musician's Union rules apply: three hour performances, two 15 minute breaks allowed, musicians to provide their own mosquito nets, one open fire per bandstand, one free meal plus anything you kill).

Act now. The first ten musicians to respond will receive a free copy of the Nigeria's Greatest Jazz Hits CD, by our beloved 'Disoriented' Gillespie Band, which contains the hits:

  • The Night Has A Thousand Flies
  • Goodbye Shrunken Head
  • Here's That Rainy Season
  • Just Tribesmen (Lovers No More)
  • Take the 'A' Trail
  • When I Fall In Quicksand
  • Half-Nelson Mandella
  • Blue Monkey
  • Leopard Skins and Moonbeams
  • Blue Mombossa
  • Almost Like Being In Lagos
  • Sunny Side of the Goatpath
  • I Didn't Know What Century It Was
  • Swahili Swahili Swahilo
  • Thank you for your many help.

Your inordinately wealthy Nigerian brother...

Prince Ndugood

i'm not sure i should delete this one. whatta you'll think?

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