27 July 2009

monday morning mayhem...

corporate headhunters?

Recently, a large corporation hired several cannibals to increase their diversity. "You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during the welcome briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees."

The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We have noticed a marked INCREASE in the whole company's performance. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals all shook their heads no. After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly.

"You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything.

But NOOOooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something."

keep a closer eye out in the cafeteria at work... especially if you're in management.

retirement planning...

*From The London Times:

Outside the Bristol Zoo, in England, there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 coaches, or buses. It was manned by a very pleasant attendant carrying a ticket machine charging cars £1 (about $1.40) and coaches A£5 (about $7).

This parking attendant worked there solid for all of 25 years.

Then, one day, he just didn't turn up for work.

"Oh well", said Bristol Zoo Management - "we'd better phone up the City Council and get them to send a new parking attendant..."

"Err... no", said the Council, "that parking lot is your responsibility."

"Err... no", said Bristol Zoo Management, "the attendant was employed by the City Council, wasn't he?"

"Err ... NO!" insisted the Council.

Sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain is a bloke who had been taking the parking lot fees, estimated at £400 (about $560) per day at Bristol Zoo for the last 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over £3.6 million ($7 million)!

And no one even knows his name!

i wonder what the Repubs would say about this private retirement plan?

wait, this is the one they have for themselves...

i wonder this too...

i was Downtown across from Millenium Park in Chicago at a friend's this week. i was there to help with her computer and she lives across the street from the park. people were all over the place, stopped illegally on Michigan Avenue, crossing the street anywhere they wanted, lots of traffic.... it was a mess. the stupidity of the people was beyond belief. most were putting their children in danger. i always told the kids that in a fight between a human and a car, the car always wins. i imagine all these idiots stress safety to their children and then put them in danger.

when i saw Maxine's question i knew she was speaking directly about these people and to me...

Maxine's Tourist Season.jpg

interesting little known fact...

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

(I know some people like that, don't YOU?)

Hysterical Dog.gif
i've only known Maxx
to breath OUT!
you don't ever want to be there.
trust me...

1 comment:

Wayne said...

Oh! i love the top one! That's going to be this weeks ff.