The lagoon at Baie Nettle on the island of St. Martin, la Caribes Françaises.
the other reason is, "i don't feel like it!"
There's a show on C-SPAN about presidential libraries. Here's what the draft plans for the George W. Bush Library now call for.
The Alberto Gonzales Room - Where you can't remember any of the exhibits.
The Hurricane Katrina Room - It's still under construction.
The Texas Air National Guard Room - Where you don't have to even show up.
The Walter Reed Hospital Room - Where they don't let you in.
The Guantanamo Bay Room - Where they don't let you out.
The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room - Nobody has been able to find it.
The War in Iraq Room - After you complete your first tour, they can force you to go back for your second and third and fourth and fifth tours.
The K-Street Project Gift Shop - Where you can buy an election, or, if no one cares, steal one.
The Men's Room - Where you could meet a Republican Senator (or two).
To be fair, the President has done some good things, and so the museum will have an electron microscope to help you locate them.
When asked, President Bush said that he didn't care so much about the individual exhibits as long as his museum was better than his father's.
A lady walks into Tiffany's. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.
Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, "Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"
He answers, "Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit when I tell you the price."
WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY
There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses, the results were pretty interesting:30% of women think their ass is too fat..........
10% of women think their ass is too skinny......
The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him and they wouldn't trade him for the world.
A woman was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento. The flight attendant said there would be a short delay and if the passengers would like to get off the plane they could re-board in 50 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind. A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her.
He could also tell she had flown this flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, "Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" The blind lady replied, "No thanks, but maybe Buddy would."
All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw their pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog!
The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!
Have a great week and remember...
THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR.
A DAY WITHOUT LAUGHTER IS A DAY WASTED!!!
Fall of the market indexes, record losses for banks, tensions on the foreign exchange market and interest rates, the rise of oil prices, all signs of recession in the United States: the economic situation and international financial picture is degrading quickly.
1. Chemistry. any of certain metallic sulfates of glassy appearance, as copper sulfate or blue vitriol, iron sulfate or green vitriol, zinc sulfate or white vitriol, etc.
2. oil of vitriol; sulfuric acid.
3. something highly caustic or severe in effect, as criticism.
–verb (used with object)
4. to treat with or as with vitriol, esp. sulfuric acid.
figrative: cruel and bitter criticism
[Origin: 1350–1400; ME [Origin: 1350–1400; ME < ML vitriolum, vitreolum, equiv. to L vitre(us) vitreous + -olum, neut. of -olus -ole1]Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
I was in my front yard mowing grass when my attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to his mailbox.
He opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.
A little later he came out of his house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house he went.
As I was getting ready to edge the lawn, here he came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by his actions I asked him, "Is something wrong?"
To which he replied, "There certainly is!"
(Are you ready? This is special...)
"My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"
While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter.
"Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the man.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the devil , who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St Peter is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit heaven."
So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."
The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."
So St . Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.
"I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning...... Today you voted."
1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.
2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.
3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.
5. You can't remember. . . is pot illegal?
6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
8. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.
12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
13. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH."
15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.
16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
17. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
18. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers and cosmetic surgeons.
19. The Terminator is your governor.
20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one.
21. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant??
I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize,
Oh my God....
I could be eating a slow learner."--Lynda Montgomery
"Suppose you were an idiot.
And suppose you were a member of Congress.
But I repeat myself."--Mark Twain
"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says,
'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"--Dave Barry
Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose
will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the
stupidity of your act.
Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had
a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will
start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically
when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle
The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask
you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent
Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down
on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and
cost of the carpet or rug.
Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Brown's Law of a Womans Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Oliver's Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson 's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will
stop making it.
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor,
by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an
appointment and you'll stay sick.