27 January 2008

this is one reason for no posts this past week...

St Martin Lagoon.JPG

The lagoon at Baie Nettle on the island of St. Martin, la Caribes Françaises.

the other reason is, "i don't feel like it!"

because they said it...

Senator Obama said that it isn't about race. The minute he said that, it became about race.

Senator Clinton said that it isn't about gender. The minute she said that, it became about gender.

An African-American woman during a South Carolina exit poll: "Though I support John Edwards, I decided that it was time to move the racial agenda forward."

Another African-American woman during the same South Carolina exit poll: "It's time that a woman became president."

So, you see, it's not about issues or what is best for the country. It's about whether you're black or white, whether you're male or female, and whether you like it or not.

It's all a "Miss America" contest couched in other terminology.

i just might vote for McCain...

21 January 2008

new rule...

I have made a new rule for myself. I have liked reading Andrew Sullivan's Daily Dish since, well, forever. I mentioned in a previous post that he, along with several others, in my opinion, have passed the point of reality when it comes to the Clintons. It's getting tired. It has an aura of hatred that is beyond the pale. I admit, I have a problem with unfettered acrimony.

So, my new rule, since I really don't want to stop reading his work and because he has important perspectives on a lot of other things, is the first post heading on his website that has the words Clinton, Hillary, or Bill in it, I'm immediately going to click to a different website.

This morning, I didn't get to read anything. Clinton was in the first post.

and, yes, i did not link to the website or the post on purpose.

oh, and since i previously mentioned Chris Matthews for the very same thing, i'm only watching the last 15 minutes of his nightly show. the closing panel is almost always the best part of the show anyway...

monday morning mayhem...

1. George W. Bush Presidential Library...
There's a show on C-SPAN about presidential libraries. Here's what the draft plans for the George W. Bush Library now call for.

The Alberto Gonzales Room - Where you can't remember any of the exhibits.

The Hurricane Katrina Room - It's still under construction.

The Texas Air National Guard Room - Where you don't have to even show up.

The Walter Reed Hospital Room - Where they don't let you in.

The Guantanamo Bay Room - Where they don't let you out.

The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room - Nobody has been able to find it.

The War in Iraq Room - After you complete your first tour, they can force you to go back for your second and third and fourth and fifth tours.

The K-Street Project Gift Shop - Where you can buy an election, or, if no one cares, steal one.

The Men's Room - Where you could meet a Republican Senator (or two).

To be fair, the President has done some good things, and so the museum will have an electron microscope to help you locate them.

When asked, President Bush said that he didn't care so much about the individual exhibits as long as his museum was better than his father's.

2. ummmm, Breakfast at Tiffany's?

diamond bracelet.jpg

A lady walks into Tiffany's. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.

Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, "Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"

He answers, "Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit when I tell you the price."

3. new research...

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses, the results were pretty interesting:

30% of women think their ass is too fat..........
10% of women think their ass is too skinny......

The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him and they wouldn't trade him for the world.

4. and i'm doing an international flight on Wednesday...
A woman was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento. The flight attendant said there would be a short delay and if the passengers would like to get off the plane they could re-board in 50 minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind. A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her.

He could also tell she had flown this flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, "Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" The blind lady replied, "No thanks, but maybe Buddy would."

Picture this:

Seeing eye pilot.jpeg

All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw their pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog!

The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!

True story...

Have a great week and remember...


20 January 2008

totally useless information...

Those of you who are on the youngish side will not comprehend the graphic organizer below. The rest of us will remember it as a sentence diagram. It was a way to identify parts of speech in English classes that research has proven taught absolutely nothing. Well, except how to make straight lines, maybe...


for anyone who doesn't recognize the sentence, it is the Preamble to the U.S. Constitution.

now, aren't you glad you know this?

i'm not................

[thanks QT]

18 January 2008


important life questions to think about...



Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'.. But it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

and finally...

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

mmmmmmmmm.... i've got a lot to think about this weekend.

if i come up with any answers to these, i'll let you know.

somehow, i don't think i will. especially the one about the professor...

16 January 2008

"La menace de récession se précise aux Etats-Unis"...

This is the banner headline in today's edition of Le Monde, the French newspaper.

The literal translation of the headline is, "The threat of recession is specified in the United States."

I think what they are actually saying is recession is no longer a "question" but, in fact, a reality in the U.S.

The first paragraph puts their thinking succinctly:
Fall of the market indexes, record losses for banks, tensions on the foreign exchange market and interest rates, the rise of oil prices, all signs of recession in the United States: the economic situation and international financial picture is degrading quickly.

The banner headline in the Chicago Sun-Times today: Chicago's Olympic Price Tag; RING IT UP. [the price tag $2 Billion! How's that for dealing with a recession problem, especially when public transportation may stop after 1/31/08 if it doesn't get a bailout from the state government.]

Most every other U.S. paper led with headlines about George Romney's win in Michigan and that, "He's Backkkkkkk." A few focused on other aspects of the primary races.

Only one other paper, and it's not actually a U.S. paper, did I find a headline, not just a mention, of the financial problems of the U.S. and the world - The International Herald Tribune - "Signs Growing that 'Recession' May Apply to U.S."

So, we're reading about a "popularity contest" that rivals "Miss America" while the rest of the world handles issues that the contestants in our popularity contest should be addressing in detail.

Maybe it's time that the "contestants" of all our popularity contests, from Representative, to Senator, to Judiciary, to President deal with a law that limits the amount of time the popularity contest can go on. Other countries have done it, often limiting it all to a period of 3-6 months before the election.

A lot of the candidates are in office right now - not doing their jobs. And others? They need to get a job...

15 January 2008

unbelievable car invention...

check this out. it's unreal...

of course, i want one...........


def: vit·ri·ol [vi-tree-uhl]
noun, verb, -oled, -ol·ing or (especially British) -olled, -ol·ling.
1. Chemistry. any of certain metallic sulfates of glassy appearance, as copper sulfate or blue vitriol, iron sulfate or green vitriol, zinc sulfate or white vitriol, etc.
2. oil of vitriol; sulfuric acid.
3. something highly caustic or severe in effect, as criticism.

–verb (used with object)
4. to treat with or as with vitriol, esp. sulfuric acid.

figrative: cruel and bitter criticism

[Origin: 1350–1400; ME [Origin: 1350–1400; ME < ML vitriolum, vitreolum, equiv. to L vitre(us) vitreous + -olum, neut. of -olus -ole1]

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)

I am to the point where I find myself tuning out people like Andrew Sullivan and Chris Matthews because of what is appearing to be a personal vitriolic hatred of Hillary and Bill Clinton. Sullivan and Matthews are just the most prominent; there are many others. It's to the point that they should consider taking some sort of medication before they give themselves a stroke or heart attack.

I also wonder if they realize that they are not "reporting" but have gone beyond being part of the fourth estate and are actually influencing people by spewing the things that they say?

14 January 2008

monday morning mayhem...

1. blonde's year in review...


> Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.


> Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels. Helllloooo!!!........bottles won't fit in printer !!!


> Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said "2-4 years!"


> Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went out!!!


> Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!


> Tried to go water skiing........couldn't find a lake with a slope.


> Lost breast stroke swimming competition... learned later the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!


> Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... car swamped because soft-top was open.


> The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???


> Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel .


> Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!


> Couldn't call 911 . "duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!


I was in my front yard mowing grass when my attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to his mailbox.

He opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.

A little later he came out of his house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house he went.

As I was getting ready to edge the lawn, here he came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by his actions I asked him, "Is something wrong?"

To which he replied, "There certainly is!"

(Are you ready? This is special...)

"My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"

i'm not sure it's the best one of the year, but it comes close...

3. the real election process...
While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter.
"Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil , who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St . Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning...... Today you voted."

how much longer of this campaigning do we have to go through before going to hell? 10 months?

4. "I see London. I see"...


12 January 2008

at the Holocaust museum in Isreal since Bush "teared up"...

did Chris Matthews (aka Tweety), Jesse Jackson, Jr., and/or John Edwards call him a sissy?

maybe not. it wouldn't be mysogynous. would it?

just asking...

11 January 2008


So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly and Texan jokes, somebody had to come up with this,

You know you're from California if...

1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.

3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.

5. You can't remember. . . is pot illegal?

6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

8. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.

12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

13. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH."

15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.

16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

17. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

18. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers and cosmetic surgeons.

19. The Terminator is your governor.

20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one.

21. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????

wellllll? is someone going to answer the question?

09 January 2008

happy birthday...

Joan Baez...

wow... I find myself dealing with birthdays of celebrities, noted people and others that were part of what now has become my youth. today is Joan Baez's birthday - 67 years old. but, you know, she stills sounds exactly the same as she did in the 1960's when I first saw her live. it seems like only yesterday that i saw her in live performances and she didn't have any grey/white hair.

of course, neither did i. of course, i also had hair. now it's become more, maybe i should say less, of a pigment of my imagination. i realized about ten years ago that i had more and more forehead to wash and less and less hair to comb. now, i hardly ever bother combing it. of course, i have a barber who told me the trick to make it look like you have more hair is to keep your hair short. it works.

posting this week is light in both content and quantity. i have a busy schedule and am also doing some workshops and meetings a couple of days/evenings this week. [it's so nice to only work several days a month and get paid what i did working full time. i should have done this years ago. no one said it could be done. actually, they probably did, but i didn't listen.]

it's light in content because i'm getting really sick of hearing all this primary b***s***. it's the same thing over and over. we've had over a year of it and we still have 10-11 more months. i'm sick of hearing Jesse Jackson, Jr and John Edwards saying that real men don't cry and Hillary planned the whole thing. i'm over hearing about Huckabee's religion and Romney's flip-flops. [i like them better as things you wear on your feet.] i find myself turning off the television or watching the Bourne movies or Underworld: Evolution over and over because i don't have to think, only be entertained, and they seem to make more sense than reality - an overrated idea.

i have always loved Robin Williams' take on it: Reality! What a concept!

05 January 2008

monday morning mayhem...

1. Sea World surprise...
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant??

I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize,

Oh my God....

I could be eating a slow learner."

--Lynda Montgomery

2. political definition for this election season...
"Suppose you were an idiot.

And suppose you were a member of Congress.

But I repeat myself."

--Mark Twain

3. man's truest best friend...
"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says,

'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"

--Dave Barry

4. Here's lookin' at you kid...


laugh through the first full work week of 2008. it'll make the rest of the year go faster...

John Barrowman + Being Alive + Torchwood =

when he's with Ianto it's the ultimate dream package...

Jackie and Dunlap on Iowa...

Red State Update: Huckabee, Obama Win In Iowa

Jackie's higher & happier than a hog in shit with the outcome, but then... he has some other things to say.

Make sure you check out what he says about Obama at 2:12 on the video. I think I implied something similar in a post on 3 January 2008...

White House spying...

There are all these fights going on about rights to privacy with the Bush/Cheney adminsitration's penchant for knowing everything about everyone in the country to prevent suicide bombers from attacking U.S. citizens and soil. In addition to the telephone companies handing over lists of calls to/from American citizens, one of the major aspects is the federal government screening personal emails. The fight looms large.

I received my regular email from Amazon.com. It's a list that their computer program puts together based on things that I've purchased in the past called Amazon.com recommends.... I wondered what profile an agent would create on me from, not just the email but the extended list on the website, the things suggested. Here are some, there are a couple of hundred for me, recommendations:













So, I drink coffee; I'm pessimistic of the future of America; I don't believe in god; I hate the Bush/Cheney administration; I'm a liberal; I work in the area of gifted education part-time; I'm overweight; I'm an opera queen; I speak French, or at the least listen to French music; I'm a Keith Olbermann junkie; and I'm queer.

It's the last one that really will blow my cover - Dora's Buildable House. This one makes me really dangerous, probably a pervert or someone who needs to know the set-up of a typical American house in order to design suicide bomb placement!

The truth is that I know the cutest three-year old girl who absolutely adores Dora the Explora and bought her the globe/software for Christmas.

yep, I'm dangerous all right.

more than they know...

[how's that for a set-up to get the Gestapo agent thinking twice about my profile?]

better go to Amazon.com and check you own profile out. you never know what they might find.

i'm just saying...

04 January 2008

Iowa Caucus history...

A little fact checking of past Iowa Caucus results:

Jimmy Carter* 59%
Edward Kennedy 31%

George H.W. Bush 32%
Ronald Reagan* 30%

Walter Mondale* 49%
Gary Hart 17%

No vote Reagan unopposed

Richard Gephardt 31%
Paul Simon 27%
Michael Dukakis* 22%
Bob Dole 37%
Pat Robertson 25%
George H.W. Bush* 19%

Tom Harkin 76%
Paul Tsongas 4%
Bill Clinton* 3%
No vote Bush* unopposed

No vote Clinton unopposed
Bob Dole* 26%
Pat Buchanan 23%
Lamar Alexander 18%

Al Gore* 63%
Bill Bradley 35%
George W. Bush* 41%
Steve Forbes 30%
Alan Keyes 14%

John Kerry* 38%
John Edwards 32%
Howard Dean 18%
No vote. Bush* unopposed

bold* = became the party candidate
italics = was elected President

So, can someone please explain why Iowa is/was so important? There doesn't seem to be any pattern in these historical results. The most bizarre is 1992:
Bill Clinton* 3%...!

[Source: Chicago Sun-Times]

03 January 2008


Andrew Sullivan called it The Victory Speech.

AS follows up with, "Simply put: he sounded like a president."

He heard the words that were spoken. He heard what he interprets to be a presidential speech. He heard the things that in some ways he wants to hear. He heard the message for change that Obama preaches. He saw the demographic of 17-29 year-olds who put Obama over the top, even if it was by only 8%-age points.

What Sullivan didn't hear was the way Obama said what he said - the linguistics. What he didn't mention was that there was only one African-American woman in the group of people behind Obama on the stage and Obama claiming to be Black when he's been careful not to emphasize it.

I want to know how Obama's sout-side Chicago accent all of a sudden was there in his oration when up until this point only his perfected Harvard Law School speech pattern was used. I want to understand, after attending many African-American church services, how he would explain where the preacher speech structures came from in this speech. I want to know why he used speech ornamentation that mimicked Martin Luther King, Jr.

There is reported to be just over 80,000 African-Americans in Iowa. I want to see the percentage of them that stood behind Obama in the arcane caucus procedure. I want to know if there is a difference when the vote is private as in all other states and in all elections, where no one has to worry about what their neighbors will say or think.

I want to understand how this can be a different Obama than the one that was an Illinois legislator, a veritable do-nothing legislator that never made change, only compromise to not ruffle feathers. I want to know how a man who went back on his word to the citizens of Illinois that, if elected U.S. Senator, he would not run for any other office in order to attain the things he promised to them while not even lasting a year before entertaining and announcing a run for president.

i know i'm going to catch flak for this, but i'm just asking...

Huckabee and hypocrisy...

On ABC World News this evening, Charles Gibson, during the series of interviews he did with each over the last few weeks, asked them what their pet peeve is. He put all of the answers together in a single video segment. Each had excellent answers.

John McCain says his pet peeve is hypocrisy. Richardson says his is commercial airlines and what they do to people. He's for the "Passenger Bill of Right".

Huckabee said that his was "people not being considerate of others." - an admirable pet peeve that a couple of others had also, but...

This from the person who consistently marginalizes non-Christians, Mormons, Gays, Lesbians, rape victims...!

I don't think I have to go on. you get the picture...

02 January 2008

blog post/news must reads: January 2, 2008...

Looking at America editorial in the New York Times - this makes me very sad and wanting to cry...

Huckabee wants to take America "back to Christ" over at AmericaBlog.com - of course, this leaves out Jews, Muslims, Hindi, etc, but the bigger problem just may be what kind of Christian is he talking about? There are many types of Christians - Catholic, Episcopal, Baptist, Methodist, etc, or is it just his kind of Christianity?

I Am Conventional Wisdom: An Unstoppable Zombie Wreaks Havoc On America: Arriana Huffington over at Huff Post - the lie of Conventional Wisdom perpetrated by Bush/Cheney, et alia, for the last seven years haunts us even through the 2008 election...

Doubts Raised on Technology Sales to China: from the New York Times - China already owns the U.S. because of all the loans Mr. Bush has gotten to keep his war going, but even with his song of national security he still leads his choir in Money makes the world go around, the world go around, the world go around, Money makes the world go around, of that we both are sure. (Raspberry) On being poor...

Pat Robertson's New Year's Forecast: "China Will Be The Largest Christian Nation On Earth" from Pat Robertson's 700 Club via HuffPost - if we owe them so much money, let's just bring 'em into the fold...

Attorney General Mukasey appoints outside prosecutor in criminal probe of CIA torture tapes - at Cliff Schecter's web site. This does bear watching. Gonzales refused to investigate any of the Bush/Cheney flubs. This guy is at least starting to go through the motions. we'll see..

01 January 2008

keep in mind for the New Year...

The Immutable Laws of Life...
good for 2008 - or any year, for that matter...

New Year Scroll.jpeg Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose
will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

New Year Scroll.jpegLaw of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

New Year Scroll.jpegLaw of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the
stupidity of your act.

New Year Scroll.jpegLaw of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

New Year Scroll.jpegLaw of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had
a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

New Year Scroll.jpegVariation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will
start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

New Year Scroll.jpegLaw of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

New Year Scroll.jpegLaw of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically
when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

New Year Scroll.jpegLaw of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

New Year Scroll.jpegLaw of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

New Year Scroll.jpegLaw of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle
arrive last.

New Year Scroll.jpegThe Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask
you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

New Year Scroll.jpegMurphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent

New Year Scroll.jpegLaw of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down
on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and
cost of the carpet or rug.

New Year Scroll.jpegLaw of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

New Year Scroll.jpegBrown's Law of a Womans Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

New Year Scroll.jpegOliver's Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

New Year Scroll.jpegWilson 's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will
stop making it.

New Year Scroll.jpegDoctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor,
by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an
appointment and you'll stay sick.

Happy New Year!