monday morning mayhem...

1. A very successful lawyer...

parked his brand new Lexus in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.

As he got out, a truck came along, too close to the curb, and completely tore off the driver's door of the Lexus.

The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and it wasn't more than 5 minutes before a policeman pulled up.

Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically.

His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again.

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "My God, don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!!!"

"My God!" screamed the lawyer.

"Where's my Rolex?"

2. Little Johnny...

got on a bus and sat down next to a man. He noticed that the man had a strange kind of shirt collar, so he asked him, "Excuse me, sir, but why do you have your shirt collar on backwards?"

The man smiled kindly and answered, "I wear this collar because I am a father."

Little Johnny thought a second and responded, "Sir, I have a father, but he wears his collar the other way around. Why do you wear your collar so differently?"

The priest thought for a minute, and said, "I am the Father for many."

Little Johnny quickly answered, "My father, too, is the father of many. He has four sons, four daughters and many grandchildren. But he wears his collar like everyone else does. Why do you wear yours backwards?"

The priest, flustered, said impatiently, "I am the Father for hundreds and hundreds of people."

Little Johnny sat silently for a long time. As he got up to leave the bus, he leaned over to the priest and said, "Mister, maybe you should wear your pants backwards."

3. the power of television commercials...

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of Tampax and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight", the boy replied.

The man continued, "Do you know how these are used?"

The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They are for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He can't do either one.