weekender...

This math test can predict your all time most watched film, mine was Mary Poppins.



Try it without looking at the answers.

It works!

Pick a number from 1 - 9.
Multiply by 3.
Add 3, then multiply by 3 again.
You will get your answer by adding these two digits together to find your all time favorite movie.



Good Luck

|
|
|
|
|
|









It is:

1. Gone with the wind.

2. Aliens.

3. Oliver

4. Star Wars

5. Forrest Gump.

6. Saving Private Ryan.

7. Jaws.

8. Grease.

9. The joy of Anal Sex with male goats & leather clad gay boys.

10. Mary Poppins.


well, now... shouldn't you be ashamed of yourself?

Maxx is... um, that is, he's ashamed of you. he could give a rat's ass for himself...








he can be sooooo evil!

ummmm...

i just can't be serious all of the time. it doesn't make me evil... just normal.





i was amazed i'd last that long.
how long did you last?

of course, the doctor does keep telling me i'm getting older. i saw him Wednesday and he didn't say it. probably because i've told him i'd slap him the next time he did.

calm down, he's married and has kids...

{minds in the gutter...}

ummmmmm... i suppose after the previous three serious posts, if NOM or any of the other wingers comes here, they are probably saying,

"See, see. We told you so!"

i guess i'd have to respond to them with,

"Lighten up! It's only a banana in my pocket."

i told you i can't be good all the time - it's boring!

obfuscating obfuscations: it's still ALL about sex... Part 2

Andrew Sullivan has a post up right now on the Daily Dish that points out just what my previous post brought up:

We Are All Sodomists Now

Andrew, in turn, cites from a piece by Tyler Cowen

If you take the heterosexual couples who engage in the practice which is sometimes "associated" with male gay marriage, I predict those couples will favor legal gay marriage to an astonishingly high degree. Their marriage is already "affiliated" with that practice, and so the notion of legally married gay men (and the practices which go along with that) does not constitute an extra and unwanted affiliation for their marriage ideal.

thanks, Andrew and Tyler. make, well at least try to make, people like that organization i mentioned earlier think...

of course, they in turn will make it to their advantage. i can see it now -

They will take away our right to missionary sex and force us to...

i believe you get the picture.

thanks again, Andrew.

too serious today...

how about an off-scheduled funny?


Subject: sex Life!

Two good old southern Bubba's are drinking in a bar.

One says, "Did you know that a moose has sex 10 to 15 times a night?"

"Ah shit," says the other, "and I just joined the Elks!"

the vatican's stance on in-vitro fertilization...

seems off their message concerning marriage.

The Vatican issued its most authoritative and sweeping document on bioethical issues in more than 20 years on Friday, taking into account recent developments in biomedical technology and reinforcing the church’s opposition to in vitro fertilization, human cloning, genetic testing on embryos before implantation and embryonic stem cell research.

Vatican Issues Instruction on Bioethics, New York Times, Dec 13, 2008

Given the church's stance on marriage is for procreation and is only allowed in opposite-sex partnerships, doesn't this rule go against a core belief? if a couple marries to have children and discovers that it is impossible in the normal way [normal according to the RC] why is it wrong for them to use any means to bring more members into the church? It is a life in their definition.

The article in the NYT cites the “Dignitas Personae” that has just been released by the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith. The document is much broader than just in-vitro. It includes stands on abortion, birth control, stem cell research and other bioethical issues, as they define them.

One should understand that the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith is made up of a bunch of old men, clergy, who are not supposed to have sex and are responsible only to the pope and two-thousand years of mythology. Their stand not only applies to the faithful but to all medical and scientific persons who would administer or research no matter what their faith.

A representative from a U.S. organization of catholic medical members explained in-vitro this way:

Kathleen M. Raviele, an obstetrician and gynecologist in Georgia who is president of the Catholic Medical Association, said she tells her patients: “God creates through an act of love, and that’s not what’s happening in the laboratory. It’s the technician who’s creating. What in vitro does, is it separates the creation of a child from the marital act.”

Why would concieving a child in-vitro not be considered a marital act of love? If a couple wants to have a child and they are incapable themselves, why not use in-vitro and, I'd assume, in some cases, a surrogate mother? A life is a life.

Of course, I'm sure there are other considerations behind this "The Dignity of the Person" document, icluding the timing of its release - same-sex marriage, Obama's defense of stem cell research, birth control use in the U.S., etc.

I long ago left the RC of my own volition first, because I couldn't handle the hypocrisy and second, because I no longer could believe in the mythology. There is an issue with faith and believing but, in its present two-thousand year old formulaic incarnation, it declines the one thing that is the basis of that faith and belief - free will.

A bunch of old men, in their infinite wisdom, set out the rules in the guise of guiding the faithful to act as they should but take away the one right they possess - the right to chose.

ironic or hypocritical? i'm not certain into which it falls. maybe both...

cause of "financial crisis" explained... finally...

Fundamentalists blame Wall Street's woes on gays

some of the signs...

"In a September 25th blog post titled 'The Nation Will Right Itself If It Fixes Sex', Christian Civil League of Maine Executive Director Michael Heath writes that the financial crisis facing Wall Street is a symptom of America's sinful sexual culture, including the acceptance of gay unions...."

and

"A related post by Center for Immigration Studies Executive Director Mark Krikorian at the National Review's website pushes a similar theme, this time focusing on Friday's failure of WaMu.

Krikorian suggests the big bank failed because it was too accommodating to minorities, including gays, African-Americans and Hispanics...."

and here i thought that queers only caused terrorist attacks and hurricanes.

you learn something new every day.

never realized how much power we actually have.

i wonder if the House failing to pass the bailout bill yesterday is part of the conspiracy?

just asking...

i couldn't wait until Monday...

A San Francisco man was laying in bed with his new girlfriend.

After having great sex, she spent the next hour just stroking his penis, something she seemed to love to do.

Enjoying it, he turned and asked her, 'Why do you love doing that?'

She replied, 'Because sometimes I really miss mine.'


understand why i couldn't wait until monday?

the ABSOLUTE height of hypocrisy...

Perhaps you will remember Senator David Vitter (R-LA). He's the one that admitted using the DC Madam for, ummm, his pleasure impulses. Well, he's back on the radar.

and you thought you were safe...

Last week he, and Sen. Larry (tap my foot, no I didn't) Craig signed on as co-sponsors of another constitutional amendment that states that marriage can only be between a man and a woman. The Carpetbagger Report has it here - The Federal Marriage Amendment is back — with Vitter’s and Craig’s support.

But the funny part is looking over the list of the 10 original sponsors. Most of the names are predictable — Brownback and Inhofe, for example — but there are two others whose names stand out: Sens. David Vitter (R-La.) and Larry Craig (R-Idaho).

Yes, two of the principal sponsors of a constitutional amendment to “protect” marriage include one far-right Republican who hired prostitutes and another far-right Republican who was arrested for soliciting gay sex (sic) an airport men’s room.

Hello! As if that were not enough hypocrisy in and of itself, get this...
Vitter - The Only Senator Opposing Removal Of HIV Travel Ban»

got that?

from Wonk Room at Think Progress

In fact, the Senator, who himself engaged in behavior that could have placed him and his wife in danger of contracting HIV, has promoted policies that increase the likelihood that people will become infected with HIV:

- Voted in support of the “prostitution pledge” in PEPFAR which creates obstacles to reaching and serving sex workers.

- Attempted to amend PEPFAR “to reinsert the 33 percent abstinence-only earmark.”

Vitter has a long history of promoting failed abstinence-only policies and supporting legislation that undermines people’s sexual health and equal rights.

let's see if we can make sense of this. Vitter visits prostitutes defending his marriage; Vitter strongly supports abstinence only programs to prevent HIV & STD's; Vitter wants only men and women to be able to get married in order to to save the sanctity of marriage; Vitter supports family values by discriminating against other people; and, finally, Vitter's wife has forgiven him when she made the statement when if she had been Hillary, she would have cut off his penis if she caught him.

nope. sorry. i can't make sense of it. can you?

just asking...

i couldn't wait until Friday...

this one made me laugh so hard the incision in my back started to hurt. it was worth it - wait...


My wife and I went to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,

‘THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ....Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year.'

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,

''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW! That's more than twice a week! ... You could learn a lot from him.'

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters,

'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said, 'That's once a day... You could REALLY learn something from this one.'


I looked at her and said, 'Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.'

Honestly, my condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.

oww, oww, oww..., oww, oww.............


told you it was worth it.

monday morning mayhem...

how the fight got started...

I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road and slowly
the driver gets out of the car. . . and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed
and life-stuff seems to get funny?

Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it . . . . . . . he was a DWARF!

He storms over to my car, looks up at me and angrily says, "I'M NOT HAPPY!"

So, I look down at him and say, "Well, then which one are you?"

That's when the fight started.




IRISH BIRTH CONTROL...

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.

The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband 2 years ago?'

She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'

The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?'

She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'

The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.'

She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father.' They then parted ways.

Some years later they met again. The Father asked, 'Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?

She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!' The Father asked, 'And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?'

She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in all!'

The Father said, 'That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?'

She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle.'


THE RELATIONS

Ole and Lena were getting on in years. Ole was 92 and Lena was 89.

One evening they were sitting on the porch in their rockers and Ole reached over and patted Lena on her knee. "Lena, vat ever happened tew our sex relations?"

"Vell, Ole, I yust don't know," replied Lena. "I don't tink ve even got a card from dem last Christmas."






i know it's Sunday and not Monday, but the mayhem is starting a day early for me. i'm finally getting my back fixed tomorrow and i can't wait. 5 months of constant pain starts wearing more than thin. i'll have to be in the hospital for a week and then to a rehab center for at least two.

posting will most likely be non-existent this week and infrequent after that. i will have my iPhone, but really don't know what condition i'll be in to do much. if i get a chance, i'll post brief updates.

i know the neurosurgeon has given me a timeline of three weeks until full movement returns and a couple, three months for full recovery, but i intend to work it faster than that.

i'm tired of only being able to sit around...

monday morning mayhem...

1. work ethic...



2. sex education...



3. World's Greatest Ass finalists...

it's down to three, folks:
















man, that's a hard one!


groannnnnnnnnnnnnn...

monday morning mayhem...

Results of recent research show
that there are 7 kinds of sex.

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.

* This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.

* This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.

* This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine, and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex.

* This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you."

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.

* Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.

* This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And, last, but not least:
The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex.

* You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.

PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO TELL ME WHAT STAGE YOU ARE IN.

I have enough problems of my own....

Einstein’s Proclivity…


Albert Einstein's birthday was March 14. He would now be 127. Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919.

He stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was well endowed. He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is stronger if there is a DNA connection.

This came to be known as Einstein's Theory of Relative Titty.


ummm... no comment

weekender...

Pfizer Announcement


Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra now than on Alzheimer's research.

This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.


some people don't know what to do with them right now...

monday morning mayhem...

latex gloves...

Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves, you're going to smile when you think of this:

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.

'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked.

'No, I don't,' she replied.

'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.'

She didn't crack a smile.

'Oh, well. I tried,' he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, She burst out laughing.

'What's so funny?' he asked

'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'


Gotta watch those little old ladies!





their minds are always working...

new meaning to "fruit" flies...

Headline in today's Chicago Sun-Times - Gene makes fruit flies bisexual: study.

Well, now. This leads to some very interesting possibilities.

Researchers have discovered a gene involved in homosexual behavior in the tiny flies. They also found a way to turn homosexuality on and off with drugs.

sorta like a light switch?

UIC researchers were using fruit flies to study muscular dystrophy when they discovered a gene they call "gender blind," or GB.

Flies with a mutated form of the GB gene are bisexual. It appears they're unable to distinguish chemical smells, called pheromones, that tell whether other flies are male or female.

"The GB mutant males treated other males exactly the same way normal male flies would treat a female," Featherstone said. "They even attempted copulation."

copulation? how clinical...

It seems that it all boils down to the size of the males' synapses and the way they smell. [doesn't it always boil down to size?]

Researchers tested this idea by adding a drug to the flies' apple juice. The drug weakened the synapses. So within a few hours, flies with the GB mutation stopped engaging in homosexual behavior.

Conversely, researchers gave heterosexual male flies a drug that strengthened their synapses. Sure enough, these male flies soon were courting males as well as females.

I thought that we already had this drug? Isn't it called vodka or gin?

I was soooooo drunk last night...

Seriously, though. It raises a number of questions. The researchers were really surprised.

"It was amazing," Featherstone said. "I never thought we'd be able to do that sort of thing, because sexual orientation is supposed to be hard-wired. This fundamentally changes how we think about this behavior."

What was that old advertising line from Dupont? oh, yeah...

Better living through chemistry...

Actually, though tongue in cheek on my part, this is important research. It can potentially put holes into all the wingnut arguments attacking gays. Namely, that it's a lifestyle choice rather than something that is based on nature.

You can hear an interesting interview with Dr. David Featherstone
about his research




by clicking here.

monday morning mayhem...

start the week with a bang. maybe it'll go faster...

oh, this is a totally x-rated mayhem - NSFW...

1. clean out your closets...

Giving Clothes To The Goodwill.

It should make you feel all warm inside knowing that the clothes you previously wore are now gracing another grateful body!

Remember that cleaning out your closets at least once a year and giving former treasures to Goodwill (or charity of your choice) is a great way to give back to your community and help those who are less fortunate.

So look through your closets and see if you don't have something that doesn't fit, or might be a little out of fashion.

Those things will probably fit someone else and could be the height of fashion for them.

With that in mind, I send along this heart-warming photo to inspire you, and remind you that your efforts won't go unnoticed.

*



**



***



*****



*******



*********




you didn't really want to see this, did you?
it will be stuck in your head for the rest of the day.
i promise...



2. loosing your marbles...



art class will never be the same...



3. Mother Nature has a dirty mind --- x-rated...



not in my stew, you don't...


Isadora Dogwood...


ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch...


hit the cymbals...



from the Karma Sutra?



in your dreams...



If you ain't laughing, you ain't living.

OH COME ON NOW, SOME OF THEM WERE FUNNY...



5. body trivia - Mother Nature's miracle...

- The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.

- A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball

- It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

- One human hair can support 3kg.

- Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

- The attachment of human muscles to skin is what causes dimples.

- The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

- A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

- If the average male never shaved, his beard would be 13 feet long when he died.

- Men with hairless chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair

- There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

- Side by side, 2000 cells from the human body could cover about one square inch.

- Women blink twice as much as men.

- The average person's skin weighs twice as much as their brain.

- When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate.
. . .they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate!

- It takes twice as long to lose new muscle if you stop working out than it did to gain it.

- Your ears secrete more earwax when you are afraid than when you aren't.

- Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

- If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

- The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.



If you are a man you checked out the length of your thumb...
Didn't ya?!




#4? ummmm, i had to delete it. it was tooooooo dirty...

sadness and shame...

from someone having the right priorities.

I've always admired Archbishop Desmond Tutu. He, along with Nelson Mandela, is one of the greatest heroes of the 20th century for his work in South Africa and the rights of man all over the world. He's saddened by the state of his own church, the instrument through which he did all his work.

"Our world is facing problems -- poverty, HIV and AIDS -- a devastating pandemic, and conflict," Tutu said.

"God must be weeping looking at some of the atrocities that we commit against one another.

"In the face of all of that, our Church, especially the Anglican Church, at this time is almost obsessed with questions of human sexuality."

On a BBC radio program that will be broadcast on Tuesday, Tutu was also asked if he was ashamed of his church:

"If we are going to not welcome or invite people because of sexual orientation, yes.

"If God as they say is homophobic I wouldn't worship that God."
Tutu hit out at those religious conservatives who believe homosexuality is a choice.

"It is a perversion if you say to me that a person chooses to be homosexual," he said.

"You must be crazy to choose a way of life that exposes you to a kind of hatred.

"It's like saying you choose to be black in a race infected society."

He specifically takes on Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury and the leader of the Anglican Communion.

"Why doesn't he demonstrate a particular attribute of God's which is that God is a welcoming God."

"You must be crazy to choose a way of life that exposes you to a kind of hatred.

"It's like saying you choose to be black in a race infected society."

Criticising Williams, he added: "Why doesn't he demonstrate a particular attribute of God's which is that God is a welcoming God." Agence France Presse

it must be very difficult for a man who not only teaches the word of Christ but abides by his precepts in all parts of his life to deal with comrades who focus on destroying others and peace...

Shakespeare Outs Hamlet...

In a rare public appearance William Shakespeare told curious questioners that Hamlet was gay for the entire play. Actually, for his entire life. He thought that it would have been obvious to anyone observing Hamlet's rejection of Ophelia and his oedipal fixation on his mother, Gertrude.

abstinence makes the heart...

ummm, what?

The Bush/Cheney administration insists on abstinence only programs as the only way to prevent unwanted pregnancies, STD's, and family values. This is merely another hypocrisy.

Michael Sneed in today's Chicago Sun-Times shares this little tidbit:

Bush's beds . . .

President Bush had a simple question for daughter Jenna Bush last year when she told him she was going camping with Henry Hager:

"Do you have two tents?"

• • AmBush 'em: Hager, who is now Jenna's fiance, also gets his own room when he visits the Bush clan, according to a report in Texas Monthly.

"Dad's still the traditionalist, you know," Jenna told the mag.

separate tents? yeah, right...

i'm still trying to sell that bridge and Jenna's answer told everyone what's really what...

and Mary Cheney got pregnant by marrying the man of Czar George's dreams...

banned books week...

in Nazi Germany one of the most nefarious things that went on was book burnings. Any book that did not toe the party line was, literally, burned. There are many pictures of the hateful practice.

There are, sadly, in this country segments who believe that they have the right to regulate what people read. Though they don't go to the extreme of burning books, they continually attack school and library boards to get the books that they determine to be inappropriate banned.

This weeks, September 29th - October 6th is the American Library Association's Banned Books Week. The theme they are using this year is Ahoy! Treasure your freedom to read, get hooked on a banned book.

Here are the "10 Most Challenged Books of 2006" on the ALA list:

"And Tango Makes Three," by Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell, for homosexuality, anti-family, and unsuited to age group;

"Alice" series, by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor for sexual content and offensive language;

"Athletic Shorts," by Chris Crutcher for homosexuality and offensive language;

"Beloved," by Toni Morrison for offensive language, sexual content, and unsuited to age group;

"The Bluest Eye," by Toni Morrison for sexual content, offensive language, and unsuited to age group;

"The Chocolate War," by Robert Cormier for sexual content, offensive language, and violence;

"The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big Round Things," by Carolyn Mackler for sexual content, anti-family, offensive language, and unsuited to age group;

"Gossip Girls," series by Cecily Von Ziegesar for homosexuality, sexual content, drugs, unsuited to age group, and offensive language;

"The Perks of Being a Wallflower," by Stephen Chbosky for homosexuality, sexually explicit, offensive language, and unsuited to age group; and

"Scary Stories" series, by Alvin Schwartz for occult/Satanism, unsuited to age group, violence, and insensitivity.

Off the list this year, but in years past have often been included, are such classics as "Catcher in the Rye," by J.D. Salinger; "Of Mice and Men," by John Steinbeck; and "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn," by Mark Twain. source: American Library Association

Most of these books have one topic in common - sex! Horrors!

In the guise of protecting their children from the dirt and filth of sex people always put any book with sex in it at the top of their lists. I have news for them. From working with kids for many years, they, the kids, know a hell of a lot about sex. Sadly, not all of what they know is correct. Since their parents don't want them to read about it and fight to limit instruction of sex in schools, the kids often don't have correct information in such areas as pregnancy prevention, HIV, safe sex, sexual health, etc.

So, choose one, hopefully more, of the books on the list and get hooked on banned books this week. They are all wonderful.

My personal recommendation is to start with And Tango Makes Three. It is written for pre-school - Grade 3, but everyone enjoys it. [Well, almost everyone.] It is absolutely charming. Little kids love it and they make absolutely no judgment about what's in it. AND, it is a true story.