monday morning mayhem...

because it's always best to start the week laughing...

1. why? why? why?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

And my FAVORITE and I've asked people when they do it......

Does pushing the elevator button more than once
make the elevator come faster?

2. are you ready for the test?

A blonde dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates, where she is greeted by St. Peter. "Welcome!" he says. "Because we are currently operating at 99% capacity, we can only let a limited number of souls into heaven. Therefore, you must answer my questions correctly to gain entrance."

"Okay," says the blonde.

"Here's your question: name two days of the week that begin with the letter T."

"That's easy. Today and tomorrow!"

"Well, that's not the answer I was thinking of, but I'll give you another question. How many seconds are there in a year?"

"That's easy. Twelve!"

"Twelve?"

"January second, February second, March second--"

"Okay, okay. I can see you misunderstood this question as well. Okay, one more chance. What's God's name?"

"That's easy. Howard!"

"Howard?"

"You know -- 'Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name..."

hmmm... Pete had to let her into heaven. She really did get all three questions correct. Didn't she?

3. ASSICONS ?

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where :) means a smile and :( is a frown.

Sometimes these are represented by :-) & :-(

Well, how about some "ASSICONS?"

(_!_)
a regular ass

(___!___)
a fat ass

(!)
a tight ass

(_*_)
a sore ass

{_!_}
a swishy ass

(_o_)
an ass that's been around

(_x _)
kiss my ass

(_X_)
leave my ass alone

(_zzz_)
a tired ass

(_E=mc2_)
a smart ass

(_$$_)
Money coming out of his ass

(_?_)
A dumb ass

You have just been e-mooned!

Send this to 5 people and you will be blessed with people laughing their ass off -

(_:-D_)

4. be careful what you think...

and worse again...

The U.S. has a long history, law and policy of not having other countries interfere with our politics and elections, or so to speak. In the reverse, the U.S. is not supposed to interfere with the politics and elections in other countries. Now, we all know that this is not exactly, in the strictist sense, true. Covert maneuvering happens all of the time. Usually, it is not very blatant. This one is, blatant.

From Andrew Sullivan's Daily Dish:

So Cheney goes to Australia and meets with John Howard who tells him that the Hicks case is killing him in Australia, and he may lose the next election because of it. Hicks's case is then railroaded to the front of the Gitmo kangaro court line, and put through a "legal" process almost ludicrously inept, with two of Hicks' three lawyers thrown out on one day, then an abrupt plea-bargain, with a transparently insincere confession. Hicks is then given a mere nine months in jail in Australia, before being set free. Who negotiated the plea-bargain? Hicks' lawyer. Who did he negotiate with? Not the prosecutors, as would be normal, but Susan J. Crawford, the top military commission official. Who is Susan J. Crawford? She served as Dick Cheney's Inspector General while he was Defense Secretary.

If you remember, John Howard, Australian Prime Minister, makes most of our right wingnuts look leftist. He has taken Australia more to the right than down-under. He also is the man who lectured Barak Obama publicly, directly in deference to no political interference. His re-election is in peril because of the Bush gitmo blundering. We owe Howard, so Mr. Cheney and friends are going to cover the debt.

very interesting... good ole boys doing favors for their mates.

King George W and Crown Prince Cheney are not satisfied with ruling the country; they want an empire and they will use their kangaroo court to help accomplish it.

back...

poorer, but back. What stays in Las Vegas is your money. If you go there realizing that it's what happens, you'll have fun. and we did.

My friends and I finished off my month-long birthday/retirement festival with a little jaunt to Las Vegas and it was great. We all had a ball.

The start was a little auspicious for me: couldn't find the laptop power cord, found it but forgot the computer (hence, no posts for the entire week!); forgot about rush hour traffic; barely made the flight (5 minutes); the luggage didn't make the flight (it got there 2½ hours later); forgot the iPod's earbuds; forgot my book to read on the plane; sat between one guy who hacked and coughed all the way there and another one who spilled a full cup of coffee everywhere; and I had to take the most enormous dump of my life and couldn't do anything about it until we reached 36,000 feet. It was 78℉ when we left Chicago at 7:30 am. When we got to Las Vegas at 9:40 am, it was 43℉ and very windy! The descent was really rough because of the wind.

It was a real adventure.

We stayed at New York New York. It's a fun hotel/casino. The slot machines are a ripoff though. We didn't see anyone win any big jackpots the entire time.

They taught me a new compulsive game - three-card poker. It's more addictive than the roulette wheel.

The Wynn is an experience. It's beautiful and very welcoming. I noticed that the dealers and the pit-bosses aren't really like those at other casinos. They're actually friendly and helpful. When they were teaching me three-card even the pit-boss was helping. She looked at my second hand and said, "Ohhh. The curse of the queen-nine!" She then proceeded to explain the game in more detail and what things to look for while playing. The other places are poker-face [pun intended] and give no reaction. They'll even tell you that they'll get into trouble if they don't follow the rules exactly. The Wynn will be the next place we stay, I'm sure.

The best part of the trip was the new Cirque du Soleil's The Beatle's "LOVE". Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds and the Octopus's Garden were my favorite parts. I forgot how great their druggie, druggie music really is.

I've seen a number of their productions, and though each one seems to outdo the previous, this one is by far the best one! Here's a little video I found on youtube.



If you're going to go to Las Vegas, I highly recommend LOVE.

Now, I have to decide what my life is going to be like from here on out. Well, at least for the immediate future. Time for me is #1 on the agenda for at least 6 months...

whattaya think...?

and now it's getting better...

From a previous What's Going On Here post of March 20, 2007:

Senate limits Gonzales' hiring authority
The Senate voted overwhelmingly Tuesday to end the Bush administration's ability to unilaterally fill U.S. attorney vacancies as a backlash to Attorney General Alberto Gonzales' firing of eight federal prosecutors...

...the Senate by a 94-2 vote passed a bill that would cancel the attorney general's power to appoint U.S. attorneys without Senate confirmation.

94 - 2!

Essentially, the Senate returned the law regarding the appointments of U.S. attorneys to where it was before Congress passed the Patriot Act, including the unilateral appointment authority the administration had sought in the wake of the 9/11 terror attacks.

AND NOW

The House of Representatives today followed the Senate's 94-2 vote with their own vote of

329 -78!

By a 329-78 vote, the House today followed the Senate in passing legislation that repeals a Patriot Act provision “that grants the Attorney General the authority to make indefinite interim appointments of U.S. Attorneys, who can then serve indefinitely without Senate confirmation.” House votes to strip U.S. Attorney provision

This means that it is veto proof. the sucker will probably try some little trick. He can't use the pocket veto but he may just not bother to sign it thus allowing it to quietly become law.

Now, if we add to this that some of the Republican elite are now starting to say the I word [impeach] and we may have the beginning of sanity...

and it keeps getting worse...

and worse and worse...

As if the USA firings aren't enough, now comes word from a former Justice Department lawyer that the tobacco industry lawsuit was politicized with interference from Bush appointees ordering that the team change its strategies and instruct witnesses how to testify. The cost: $120,000,000,000! The Washington Post reports:

The leader of the Justice Department team that prosecuted a landmark lawsuit against tobacco companies said yesterday that Bush administration political appointees repeatedly ordered her to take steps that weakened the government's racketeering case.

Sharon Y. Eubanks said Bush loyalists in Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales's office began micromanaging the team's strategy in the final weeks of the 2005 trial, to the detriment of the government's claim that the industry had conspired to lie to U.S. smokers.

She said a supervisor demanded that she and her trial team drop recommendations that tobacco executives be removed from their corporate positions as a possible penalty. He and two others instructed her to tell key witnesses to change their testimony. And they ordered Eubanks to read verbatim a closing argument they had rewritten for her, she said.

"The political people were pushing the buttons and ordering us to say what we said," Eubanks said. "And because of that, we failed to zealously represent the interests of the American public."

and she named names. Check out the full article with the appointees' names here: Prosecutor Says Bush Appointees Interfered With Tobacco Case.

Of course, the Bushies are in full denial.

High-ranking Justice Department officials said there was no political meddling in the case, and the department's Office of Professional Responsibility (OPR) concurred after an investigation.

If you believe that, there is still a bridge in New York that is for sale...

i've said it before and i'll say it again...

Impeach the bastard!!

and i will now add...

More Supeanas!!

and...

FIRE GONZALES!!

off again...

first thing in the morning. here's more than a hint as to where:



we have tickets for the cirque du soliel's new show, the beatle's love. it's based on their music.

would love to try to get tickets for the producers just to see david hasselhoff as roger debris, the drag queen director. it's supposedly more difficult than getting celine dion tickets. and to think, david hasselhoff always hated being shown from the waste down on baywatch because he thought his legs were too skinny? [they are.] wouldn't that just blow your skirt up?

this retirement business, so far, is fun...

i wonder why?

monday morning mayhem...

because we just need to start the week in a positive way - laughing.

1. The High School Guy

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "Surely I can't look that old?" Well... you'll love this one!

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.

I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my class mate. or could he?

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.

"Yes! Yes, I did! I'm a mustang," he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1959. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, wrinkled, bald, fat, gray, decrepit son-of-a-xxxx asked, ....................

"What did you teach?"

2. please listen carefully. Our menu has recently changed...

Click To Play

3. scam artist alert

Watch out for this scam.

There is a slick routine aimed at stealing from unwary persons. They say that the gang usually comprises three or four members. While the three younger ones, all appearing to be cute and innocent, divert their "mark" (or intended target) with a show of friendliness and fun, the fourth - the eldest of this gang of criminals - sneaks in from behind the person's back to expertly rifle undetected through pockets and bags for any valuables being carried.

The picture below, taken from CTV operating in the inner city, shows the Gang in operation.

4. Three Old Ladies at the Ball Game

This is a detective story so pay close attention!!!

Three elderly ladies are excited about seeing their first Cubs baseball game. They smuggle a bottle of Jack Daniel's into the ballpark. The game is real exciting and they are enjoying themselves immensely, while mixing the Jack Daniel's with soft drinks. Soon they realize that the bottle is almost gone and the game has a lot of innings to go.

Based on the given information, what inning is it and how many players are on base?






Think!








Think some more!!









You're gonna love it...








Answer: It's the bottom of the fifth and the bags are loaded........

that reminds me of the joke that allegedly helped get Dick Biondi kicked off the radio in Chicago during the 60's...

So, I took my girlfriend to the Sox game. I made a deal with her that I would kiss her on the strikes and she would kiss me on the balls.

We sure have come a long way. Think of Howard Stern

reality...

Can we be seeing the result of all those faux-reality shows playing a part in western culture?

WHEN confronted with the prickly question of whether to disclose their illnesses, Presidents Calvin Coolidge, Woodrow Wilson, Franklin D. Roosevelt and John F. Kennedy divined a simple strategy, historians say. They dissembled. They lied. They covered up or simply kept their mouths shut to keep Americans in the dark. Revealing All Before Anyone Else Can, New York Times, March 25, 2007

Thrity-five years ago, Sen. Thomas Eagleton, then Democratic vice-presidential candidate, admitted that he had been treated for depression. He was forced to withdraw his candidacy.

Now, Sen. John Edwards and his wife call a press conference to announce that her cancer is back and is malignant. They are going to continue with his campaign for president.

V. P. Al Gore talks about his bouts with depression and no one really bats an eye. Hell, with the tragic death of his son and the stupid loss of the presidency in 2001, who wouldn't be depressed.

Rep. Patrick Kennedy goes into rehab. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid announces that his father committed suicide and he had to deal with it for many years. The top three Republican presidential candidates have been married 8 times between them and if Newt decides to run it will be more - not to mention the adultery going along with it. So what's with the change in Americans' acceptance?

As much as I prefer him over the yahoo in the office now, I think that Bill Clinton directly had a lot to do with this phenomenon, rather than those reality shows. Bill Clinton had excapades in a little closet off of the Oval Office and the Republicans impeached him. It was no-holds barred in the news coverage because the right wing-nut christianists delighted in their hatred of the man and used every opportunity to impugn him. To this day, I am not really certain where their hatred comes from and it is stealthly being transferred to his wife and her bid for the office, in addition to the reasons they have to hate Hillary herself. Real or imagined.

I think that most everyone, at least those with any common sense, has come to the awareness that the reality shows they are bombarded with are, in fact, orchestrated and scripted. I don't watch American Idol, but I have seen Sanjaya's last performance on Olbermann and the internet and I can't imagine [what am I saying? Yes, I can] a worse onslaught to my ears. Sadly, I can hear perfect pitch and he was worse than, than... Andrea Bocelli could ever be. [Now, that statement can cause me a lot of trouble.]

So, maybe what is happening is a blurring of what reality actually is. I think that Robin Williams in one of his best bits said it best...

reality. what a concept...

hhhmmm...

an even bigger problem...
[I just realized that is a pun. keep reading.]

The USC Annenberg Online Journalism Review is reporting on how Eyetracking points the way to effective news article design. In brief, it talks about how news design can influence where readers will cast their eyes on a page.

Eye tracking as a part of science has been around since the 1800's.

Eye tracking is a general term for research using techniques for measuring either the point of gaze ("where we are looking") or the motion of the eye itself relative to the head. There exist a number of different methods for measuring the movements of the eyes

To summarize the article and research used:

Coyne (who we interviewed for this column) stresses that crucial to understanding the testing results is an awareness of the user’s motivation or goal behind each task. Some of the testing scenarios included asking the user to "read the news" or "read/learn", making a number these results particularly helpful to journalists. She said eyetracking is valuable in these cases because it indicates not only where our users look, but where key usability problems exist.

"[With eyetracking] we can see that a user may navigate the page of an interface that houses the info she wants," she said, "but if the text is poorly presented, or the navigation is cluttered, or there are too many superfluous images so she cannot easily find what she needs. This is a lost opportunity."

All this seems innocuous enough. However, there were three parts to the research used and the third one can cause a problem for some people.

Conyne recommends designers avoid the generic pictures that are often used just for the sake of having a picture.

"For example," she said, "if an article is about a signature meal at a restaurant, say a tuna dish, display a scrumptious-looking picture of the plate of food. Don't show a generic picture of a spoon and fork, as many sites do."

When photos do contain people related to the task at hand, or the content users are exploring, they do get fixations. However, gender makes a distinct difference on what parts of the photo are stared at the longest. Take a look at the hotspot below.

Although both men and women look at the image of George Brett when directed to find out information about his sport and position, men tend to focus on private anatomy as well as the face. For the women, the face is the only place they viewed.



This image of George Brett was part of a larger page with his biographical information. All users tested looked at the image, but there was a distinct difference in focus between men and women.

Coyne adds that this difference doesn’t just occur with images of people. Men tend to fixate more on areas of private anatomy on animals as well, as evidenced when users were directed to browse the American Kennel Club site.

what is the title of that book...? Oh, yeah - Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

but wait, wait... men look at crotches and women don't? okay, that makes sense for the women. but, but... what does that mean for the straight male?

hhhmmm...

just asking...

hhhmmm...

The christianists have a problem down there.

Inkling Magazine reports that scientists have discovered, through DNA testing, that human body lice [pediculosis] have a common ancestor in the body lice on gorillas.

Research from the Florida Museum of Natural History revealed that gorillas gave us pubic lice millions of years ago, and left us playing itchy host to them ever since.

The pubic louse parasite, Phthirius pubis, lives in pubic hair and other hairy parts of the body. It sucks blood and can’t survive for long without a host.

That's pubic hair as in down there.

Now, it is not to be confused with head lice that will not go down there.

The only hairy body part that pubic lice avoid is the head, where the bloodsucking-pest niche is occupied by another louse, Pediculus humanus capitis.

So that leads to a very interesting question. How exactly did humans get the very same body lice of gorillas?

The scientists at the Florida Museum of Natural History have come up with three possible ways.

Reed and his colleagues came up with three scenarios under which pubic lice could have migrated over from gorillas to colonize the ancestral human crotch, all of which are, in varying degrees, degenerate: One, ancient hominids consumed or otherwise intimately handled gorillas. Two, gorillas and hominids shared beds – but beds only. Or three, gorillas and early hominids got it on (as in sex).

Uh oh! So we may not only be descended from the apes, we may also have caught their parasites, in bed..., while doing the nasty..., down there....

Oh, wait. The christianists don't believe in evolution. Their god created everything 6,000 years ago in 6 days. What do you think his plan was in giving man and apes the same crabs?

just asking...

what's going on here (part XX)...

can someone explain...

1. Why do straights hate gays?

I think your hate is evil.

What do we do to you that is so awful? Why do you feel compelled to come after us with such frightful energy? Does this somehow make you feel safer and legitimate? What possible harm comes to you if we marry, or are taxed just like you, or are protected from assault by laws that say it is morally wrong to assault people out of hatred? The reasons always offered are religious ones, but certainly they are not based on the love all religions proclaim.

And even if your objections to gays are religious, why do you have to legislate them so hatefully? Make no mistake: Forbidding gay people to love or marry is based on hate, pure and simple.

You may say you don't hate us, but the people you vote for do, so what's the difference? Our own country's democratic process declares us to be unequal. Which means, in a democracy, that our enemy is you. You treat us like crumbs. You hate us. And sadly, we let you. Larry Kramer op-ed in the LA Times

Hatred is indeed a vile thing. In the 60's & 70's, hippies fomenting the Age of Aquarius placed flowers in the rifle barrels of soldiers and riot police trying to prevent their free speech against the Vietnam War. In mid-20th century Europe, Germans blamed Jews as the root of all evil and exterminated 6 million of them. For centuries, black people have faced enslavement and bigotry solely because of the color of their skin. The words of the christianists model, Jesus, order them to dispel hatred:

Matthew 22:37-40 -- Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second [is] like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

oh, wait... Jesus didn't say it first:

Leviticus 19:18 -- Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the LORD.

...and isn't Leviticus what the christianists quote against gays? you can't have it both ways. can you? just asking...

2. Senate limits Gonzales' hiring authority

The Senate voted overwhelmingly Tuesday to end the Bush administration's ability to unilaterally fill U.S. attorney vacancies as a backlash to Attorney General Alberto Gonzales' firing of eight federal prosecutors...

...the Senate by a 94-2 vote passed a bill that would cancel the attorney general's power to appoint U.S. attorneys without Senate confirmation.

94 - 2!

Essentially, the Senate returned the law regarding the appointments of U.S. attorneys to where it was before Congress passed the Patriot Act, including the unilateral appointment authority the administration had sought in the wake of the 9/11 terror attacks.

are we starting to see the beginning of some return to constitutional normalcy? just asking...

3. Fitzgerald Ranked During Leak Case

U.S. Attorney Patrick J. Fitzgerald was ranked among prosecutors who had "not distinguished themselves" on a Justice Department chart sent to the White House in March 2005, when he was in the midst of leading the CIA leak investigation that resulted in the perjury conviction of a vice presidential aide, administration officials said yesterday.

The ranking placed Fitzgerald below "strong U.S. Attorneys . . . who exhibited loyalty" to the administration but above "weak U.S. Attorneys who . . . chafed against Administration initiatives, etc.," according to Justice documents.

The chart was the first step in an effort to identify U.S. attorneys who should be removed. Two prosecutors who received the same ranking as Fitzgerald were later fired, documents show.

So, what do you suppose kept him off of the list? While the other USA's were allegedly investigating local corruption, Fitzgerald was hunting at the top. How would it have looked, if they had fired him? If the episode has taken this long to get into the MSM and public eye, [Remember, Sen. Diane Feinstein first brought it to the fore weeks ago.] should they have taken action against USA Fitzgerald all hell would have broken loose much louder and sooner. Do you think that Cheney, Rove, et. al. see Mr. Fitzgerald as their Danton? just asking...

4. President Bush: “I will resist all attempts to subpoena WH officials”

With the heat coming down on the White House and Attorney General, President Bush addressed the media today and went on the defensive against Democrats, accusing them of trying to "score political points" rather than seeking the truth. He promised to resist all WH subpoenas and insisted that his deal to let Rove and Miers "meet" with members of Congress is more than generous. President Bush kept making the point over and over that allowing his staff members (i.e. Karl Rove) to testify under oath would hamper his ablility to "get quality advice..."

(Some quality!) There really is flimsy precedent for this stand. Former presidents, including Clinton, allowed WH officials to testify in Congress. The White House and Republicans are using Clinton as an argument in their actions since he removed all of the USA's at the very beginning of his term. It's a bit different. He didn't pick and choose. He removed all of them right as he entered the White House not during his presidency and not people that he had put in the positions. Oh, wait, I forgot about Nixon. He had quality advice also. So, what, possibly, could George W have to hide? just asking...

[3.22.07 Update: George W's father did the exact same thing as Clinton on his taking over the presidency - he fired all the USA's.]


Sources: latimes.com, news.yahoo.com, Washington Post, Crooks & Liars

monday morning mayhem...

1. internet truth...

2. Funky Gizzardhump

MY NEW NAME IS IN THE SUBJECT.....DON'T LAUGH UNTIL YOU FIND OUT WHAT YOUR NEW NAME IS

We all need a little stress-reliever! This only takes a minute.

Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break up the day. If we are honest, we have a lot more stressful days than not. Here is your dose of humor...


Follow the instructions to find your new name. The following is excerpted from a children's book, Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants, by Dave Pilkey, in which the evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names.

So:


1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your New first name:

a = snickle

b = doombah

c = goober

d = cheesey

e = crusty

f = greasy

g = dumbo

h = farcus

i = dorky

j = doofus

k = funky

l = boobie

m = sleezy

n = sloopy

o = fluffy

p = stinky

q = slimy

r = dorfus

s = snooty

t = tootsie

u = dipsy

v = sneezy

w = liver

x = skippy

y = dinky

z = zippy


2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

a = dippin

b = feather

c = batty

d = burger

e = chicken

f = barffy

g = lizard

h = waffle

i = farkle

j = monkey

k = flippin

l = fricken

m = bubble

n = rhino

o = potty

p = hamster

q = buckle

r = gizzard

s = lickin

t = snickle

u = chuckle

v = pickle

w = hubble

x = dingle

y = gorilla

z = girdle


3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:

a = butt

b = boob

c = face

d = nose

e = hump

f = breath

g = pants

h = shorts

i = lips

j = honker

k = head

l = tush

m = chunks

n = dunkin

o = brains

p = biscuits

q = toes

r = doodle

s = fanny

t = sniffer

u = sprinkles

v = frack

w = squirt

x = humperdinck

y = hiney

z = juice


Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is: Fluffy Chucklefanny.

Now COPY & SEND THIS ON TO YOUR FRIENDS ...use your new name as the subject.

And remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a day; adults laugh an average of 4 times a day. Put more laughter in your day.

3. HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

4. too ill...

a true conservative...

The true conservative of the Republican Party has to be Bary Goldwater. He personified all of the tenets of conservativism, especially those of economics and states' rights. He also kept things in perspective when it came to personal freedoms and duty.

For example, on the banning of gays in the military:

"Well, that's just stupid."

General Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, on the other hand has a different opinion:

In the newspaper interview, Pace said that while he supports the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy allowing gays to serve in the military, he believes that “homosexual acts between individuals are immoral and that we should not condone immoral acts.”

“I do not believe that the armed forces of the United States are well served by saying through our policies that it’s OK to be immoral in any way,” he said.

What about the immorality of the conflagration in Iraq? The discharge of men and women who are the sorely needed translators of Arabic because they are LGBT? The lies that got the US into the mess it is in right now?

If you are going to talk about immorality, General, talk about hypocrisy as well. Or to repeat the words of Barry Goldwater one more time:

"Well, that's just stupid."

got that right...

Iraq anniversary...

Today is the 5th anniversary [should we actually be celebrating an anniverary concerning this?] of the shock and awe beginning of the conflagration in Iraq. I think the true shock and awe is that it is still going on today, and the expense has been too great in both money and manpower wasted. This has turned into a greater quagmire than Vietnam with the major difference being its basis on the religious - christian, sunni, shia - versus ideology - communism & democracy. Though some may say there is very little different with the underlying arguments of both.

cruisin'...

the ship...



the scenery...



the surprise...



the disco t-dance



the beach ball...



the best comments...

- You all really know how to have a good time.

- You guys drink a lot. We sell more booze in the first two days of this cruise than we do on an entire regular cruise!

- Weren't you wearing pants when we left San Juan?

the end...


[no, it's not me. i wish i could look this good. i wish i ever looked this good.]

Atlantis knows how to throw a party. I had a ball...

and so did 2000 other guys...