monday morning mayhem...

religious truths...

During these serious times, people of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths:

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
4. Southern Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.


you can put a lot of faith in these...


today's inspirational message...

might as well keep up with the religious aspect today -

Never piss off a guy
who owns a backhoe!

another fine mess you've gotten me into...
- Oliver Hardy

truths spoken in 1955...

not religious this time, but definitely more true -

'I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20.00.

'When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage.

'Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the President

'There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend, it costs nearly $15.00 a night to stay in a hotel.

'No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $35.00 a day in the hospital it's too rich for my blood.'

'Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $2,000.00 will only buy a used one.

'If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous.


and just where is all of this going to get you?



A doctor on his morning walk, noticed an older lady sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?"

"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and don't exercise at all."

"That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"

"Thirty-four," she replied.




i'll drink gin instead...

hope some of you only have a four-day week.