the ABSOLUTE height of hypocrisy...

Perhaps you will remember Senator David Vitter (R-LA). He's the one that admitted using the DC Madam for, ummm, his pleasure impulses. Well, he's back on the radar.

and you thought you were safe...

Last week he, and Sen. Larry (tap my foot, no I didn't) Craig signed on as co-sponsors of another constitutional amendment that states that marriage can only be between a man and a woman. The Carpetbagger Report has it here - The Federal Marriage Amendment is back — with Vitter’s and Craig’s support.

But the funny part is looking over the list of the 10 original sponsors. Most of the names are predictable — Brownback and Inhofe, for example — but there are two others whose names stand out: Sens. David Vitter (R-La.) and Larry Craig (R-Idaho).

Yes, two of the principal sponsors of a constitutional amendment to “protect” marriage include one far-right Republican who hired prostitutes and another far-right Republican who was arrested for soliciting gay sex (sic) an airport men’s room.

Hello! As if that were not enough hypocrisy in and of itself, get this...
Vitter - The Only Senator Opposing Removal Of HIV Travel Ban»

got that?

from Wonk Room at Think Progress

In fact, the Senator, who himself engaged in behavior that could have placed him and his wife in danger of contracting HIV, has promoted policies that increase the likelihood that people will become infected with HIV:

- Voted in support of the “prostitution pledge” in PEPFAR which creates obstacles to reaching and serving sex workers.

- Attempted to amend PEPFAR “to reinsert the 33 percent abstinence-only earmark.”

Vitter has a long history of promoting failed abstinence-only policies and supporting legislation that undermines people’s sexual health and equal rights.

let's see if we can make sense of this. Vitter visits prostitutes defending his marriage; Vitter strongly supports abstinence only programs to prevent HIV & STD's; Vitter wants only men and women to be able to get married in order to to save the sanctity of marriage; Vitter supports family values by discriminating against other people; and, finally, Vitter's wife has forgiven him when she made the statement when if she had been Hillary, she would have cut off his penis if she caught him.

nope. sorry. i can't make sense of it. can you?

just asking...

monday morning mayhem...

men are just happier people...

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four--eyes.


EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men may kick cats.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no point in two people remembering the same thing.

boy, could i get in trouble for this last one...


and the next one too...



A PICTURE OF A MAN WITH JUST SECONDS LEFT TO LIVE!

Chilling!

i think i might be on a roll...

Batter Up!

short week! have a good one...

I’m Still waiting….

I did what you told me …
I sent the email to 10 people like you said ...
I’m still waiting for that miracle to happen.

To all my friends who in the last year sent me best ‘wishes’, chain letters, ‘angel’ letters or other promises of good luck if I forwarded something,

NONE OF THAT SHIT WORKED!

For 2008, could you, please, just send money, Vodka, chocolate, movie tickets or gasoline vouchers and airline tickets instead?

Thank you!

weekender...

A young farm lad from North Iowa goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money his parents gave him. Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education is coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here at Iowa State that will teach our dog Ole Blue how to talk!"

"That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get him in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the boy says. "I'll get him into the course."

So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000.

About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again.

"So how's Ole Blue doing, son," his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results with this program that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"

"READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?"

Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His father sends the money.

The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is all excited.

"Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives in town?'

The father says, "I hope you SHOT that SOB before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

(The kid went on to be a successful lawyer...... :>)

what else would you expect.

make sure you keep an eye on your dog though...

what is wrong with this picture?

$10/gallon by 2010...

That's what is being predicted today.

Oil Surges Above $140 to Record as Libya Warns of Output Cut Bloomberg, June 26. 2008

The article says that it could be $170 by July 4th!

Originally, the prediction was that oil would reach $100/BBL by 2009. [ummm, i think we're ahead of schedule.]

I put gas in the tank today at 10:30 this morning when I saw it was $4.27/gallon. Two days ago it was $4.39. I figured that it was bound to go up by 5:00 pm so I better stop. It was $54.35 to fill it. Better than last week's $67, but what's coming next? I've drastically cut back on my driving; buy only things on sale at the grocery; visit both farmer's markets in the area; have not bought anything that I don't really need; and have only eaten out twice in the last month for friend's birthdays.

I realize that a big part of the problem is the FX35, but I chose it because I needed something bigger for work - before I decided to retire - and it's a lease that is not up until January. The only way I can get out of the lease is to do another one with Infiniti. That isn't going to work. I don't want an expensive, gas hungry vehicle. Even before all the gas price raising, I had decided I was going to get a smaller city car. I don't need big any more.

The bigger picture of all of this was the effect it had on the markets: MARKET SNAPSHOT: U.S. Stocks Plunge; Worst June For Dow Since Great Depression, -348.41 or 3% down to be exact today CNNMoney.com

One of the analysts recommended selling GM stock today. I have had GM forever. The 52-week high was $43.20. It closed today at $11.43! There was a time when the thinking was "As goes GM, so goes the country." If that's still true, we are in deep doo-doo. Really deep...

The smaller picture is how all of this is hitting the small investors like me. I took early retirement over a year ago. Though I am doing consultant work, it is not a steady job. As a matter of fact, being an educational consultant, there really is no work for the next three months. [Really four, since no one really wants consultants the first month of a new school year.] I have a fixed income with my pension checks, but the cost of everything is spiraling out of control because of the oil problem. I have already pulled money out of the money market and savings accounts twice this month just to pay regular bills!

I can't imagine someone who is on Social Security. I have two teacher pension funds I draw on and I know they are much better than SS. I remember my aunt getting her SS check and struggling to make ends meet. She also got a check for $55/month from my uncle's veterans fund. $55! That was what she considered her mad money each month. And now that's what a tank of gas costs!

what is wrong with this picture?

and I'm sitting here right now listening to Hardball with Chris Matthews who just asked his panel how [Tsar] Bush can be so out of touch with the problems he's caused with the economy. "Where's the oil Bush promised would come with Iraq?" Yes, he actually asked that question.

again, what is wrong with this picture?

SCOTUS gun ruling results a no-brainer...

New York Times, June 26, 2008

Justices Rule for Individual Gun Rights: Divided Supreme Court Strikes Down D.C. Gun Ban

The Supreme Court declared for the first time on Thursday that the Constitution protects an individual’s right to have a gun, not just the right of the states to maintain militias.

Justice Antonin Scalia, writing for the majority in the landmark 5-to-4 decision, said the Constitution does not allow “the absolute prohibition of handguns held and used for self-defense in the home.” In so declaring, the majority found that a gun-control law in the nation’s capital went too far in making it nearly impossible to own a handgun.

It was another 5-4 decision with Scalia writing the majority opinion and Kennedy doing his usual swing vote thingy.

It's a no brainer because of the make-up of the court and because the D.C. law was incredibly restrictive. It even mandated how guns were to be stored.

The gist of the decision was that the Constitution doesn't absolutely forbid gun ownership by private citizens but does have caveats"

for traditionally lawful purposes, such as self-defense within the home” is not unlimited. “It is not a right to keep and carry any weapon whatsoever in any manner whatsoever and for whatever purpose,” Justice Scalia wrote.

Justice John Paul Stevens wrote the dissenting opinion based on historical precedent bordering on stare decisis:

A dissent by Justice John Paul Stevens asserted that the majority “would have us believe that over 200 years ago, the framers made a choice to limit the tools available to elected officials wishing to regulate civilian uses of weapons.”

In effect, what the arguments boiled down to are interpretations based on a strict-constructionist view of the Constitution. Something that has been at the heart of the right's justification for their laws.

It's still a dangerous road we're on here. The Second Amendment states

A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.

I guess we could say that Mr. Scalia has substituted the word militia with the word vigilante

The future of these 5-4 decisions are almost a foregone conclusion even with a Democrat in the White House. The only justices who would possibly retire in the near future are on the 4 side of the Court - Stevens and Ginsburg. At least for the next four years, Tsar Bush will continue doing damage to the Constitution. If McCain is elected all bets are off. The wingers will have what they've been planning since Nixon resigned.

ever wonder...

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

see, i told you...

with George Carlin not around there will be no one to tell us the truth!

hysterics? who's in hysterics?

...me!

Saw this over at BUZZFLASH.com this morning and I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.

I just simply went into hysterics.

Drudge Report of June 2000 Shows Bush Blaming Clinton for High Oil Prices: $20 - $30 a Barrel!

The report says everyone was upset because the year before, 1999, oil was at $10/BBL. Gore blamed the oil companies and candidate (now tsar) George Bush blamed the Clinton White House.

Here's the part that sent me into hysterics:

Bush said oil prices would fall in his administration, yet they have hit the stratosphere with record profits for the oil companies.

Remember last week I said I was happy because I paid $67 to fill my tank because it was the first time in weeks under $70? [stop-gap or windfall?]

Well, back in 2000 the price of gasoline was averaging $1.54 a gallon. That would mean I paid approximately $23.10 to fill up my tank! I probably b****ed about it back then, or at least thought about how high it was and shook my head.

Now, I cringe every time I pass the gas station...

now, who's going to tell us the truth?

if you have to be told that if you press the play button you might be offended or it's not safe to watch at work, then you absolutely need to hear the truth...






i chose hope as one of the "labels" for this post because George was a beacon of hope for this crazy world we live in...

and cynicism because real hope is filled with it...

the Tsar and his Rasputin continue the attacks...

and I'm not talking about Iraq or Afghanistan. Those don't seem to work anyway.

They are attacking the "public".

In another move to take more and more away from the people they are pushing a bill up for a vote tomorrow in the Senate that would keep more of the truth from us.

The administration has proposed cutting the public broadcasting budget by 56 percent -- putting at risk vital news, educational and cultural programming that millions of Americans say they prefer to commercial media. Freepress, 23 June 2008

Built into the laws have always been a requirement to collect local viewer data, report factual materials, provide educational opportunity, and programs of public interest. A lot of the programming is also backed by both private and public grants, giving more meaning to reflecting the needs and wishes of the public. In other words, telling the truth or allowing the public to decide for ourselves.

More and more the "public" is becoming a concept rather than a reality as a result of the Bush/Cheney seven year fiasco. More and more is being done for big business and less and less for the people at our expense.

Business needs to realize that it is the "people" that keep them going. What would they do if the "public" decided to stop paying their bills? Oh, wait, Bush/Cheney would bail business out.

Let your senators know directly by sending them an online letter via Freepress here and sign a petition they have working to make all lawmakers aware that you want public broadcasting to be fully funded and additional funding provided here.

monday morning mayhem...

latest photos from Mars Lander...

amazing pictures -









something tells me they think we want their oil!!!


they may be elderly, but they ain't dead...

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.

One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?'

The other replies, 'Oh, sure I do.'

The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?'

The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.'

After a few moments, the first old lady asks, 'Who drives you to the beach?'

***********************************************************

Three old ladies were sitting side by side on patio chairs at their Orlando retirement home reminiscing. The first lady recalled from years past shopping at the local Piggly Wiggly and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.

The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.

The third old lady remarked, 'I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A little old man shuffled slowly into the 'Orange Dipper', an ice cream parlor in Leesburg, and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'hemorrhoids.


and finally...

keep this as your thought for the day this week in case you need it...



Handle every stressful situation like a dog.
If you can't eat it or play with it,
pee on it and walk away.

have a good week...

or not.

fight for freedom and fleeing to Habeas Corpus...

The Chicago Sun-Times today reprinted this cartoon by Pat Oliphant concerning the 5-4 decision to give alleged terrorists and non-citizens the right to be covered by the US court system and most specifically the habeas corpus. I think it sums up quite a bit.



Right now, I can't remember who spoke the words "At what price freedom?" but we've been paying too high a price for the last seven-and-a-half years and I'm not talking about the cost of gasoline.

In spite of differences I have in political areas, we must elect a Democrat president because of SCOTUS. Justice John Paul Stevens has gone above and beyond the call of duty being on the court since 1975. He is 88 years young. Ruth Bader Ginsburg has sat on it since 1993. She is 75. They have been protecting us for a long time, while the four in the Pat Oliphant cartoon above have done everything in their power to protect big business, secrecy, and political interests.

The only way to assure our existing freedoms remain and the the fight for ones we have lost are restored is to elect a Democratic president, no matter who it is.

pandering?

you decide. i already have...





i am making no other comment about this ad...

weekender (bonus)...

if you hae been reading for awhile you have to realize that i do have a kinda strange sense of humor. just the regular weekender about birthing lizards this week is a little hint.

well, here is a bonus for this week that i was reminded of in reading something about Graham Chapman and Monty Python's Flying Circus. it is my all time favorite bit from the show and totally ill...


Mrs. Premise and Mrs. Conclusion visit Jean-Paul Sartre

total existential chaos...

weekender...

Lizard Birth'

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through
the pet syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead
goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out
LOUD!

Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.

Here's what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me
there was 'something wrong' with one of the two
lizards he holds prisoner in his room.

'He's just lying there looking sick,' he told me. 'I'm
serious, Dad. Can you help?'

I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and
followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards
was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I
immediately knew what to do.

'Honey,' I called, 'come look at the lizard!'

'Oh, my gosh!' my wife exclaimed. 'She's having
babies.'

'What?' my so n demanded. 'But their names are
Bert and Ernie, Mom!'

I was equally outraged.

'Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't
want them to reproduce,' I said accusingly to my wife.

'Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their
cage?' she inquired (I think she actually said this
sarcastically!)

'No, but you were supposed to get two boys!' I
reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet
voice, while gritting my teeth).

'Yeah, Bert and Ernie!' my son agreed.

'Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you
know,' she informed me (Again with the sarcasm!).

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see
what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make
the best of it.

'Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience,'
I announced. 'We're about to witness the miracle
of birth.'

'Oh, gross!' they shrieked

'Well, isn't THAT just great? What are we going to do
with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?' my wife wanted
to know.

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what
looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing
a scant second later.

'We don't appear to be making much progress,' I
noted.

'It's breech,' my wife whispered, horrified.

'Do something, Dad!' my son urged.

'Okay, okay.' Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed
the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug.
It disappeared. I tried several more times with the
same results.

'Should I call 911?' my eldest daughter wanted to know.

'Maybe they could talk us through the trauma.' (You
see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

'Let's get Ernie to the vet,' I said grimly. We drove to
the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.

'Breathe, Ernie, breathe,' he urged.

'I don't think lizards do Lamaze,' his mother noted to
him. (Women can be so cruel to the ir own young. I
mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy
is of her womb, for G~d's sake.).

The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and
peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.

'What do you think, Doc, a C-section?' I suggested
scientifically.

'Oh, very interesting,' he murmured. 'Mr. and Mrs.
Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?'

I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

'Is Ernie going to be okay?' my wife asked.

'Oh, perfectly,' the vet assured us. 'This lizard is not
in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen.
Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And
occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most
male species, they um . . um . . masturbate. Just
the way he did, lying on his back.' He blushed,
glancing at my wife.

We were silent, absorbing this.

'So, Ernie's just just . . . excited,' my wife offered.

'Exactl y,' the vet replied , relieved that we understood.

More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to
giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

'What's so funny?' I demanded, knowing, but not
believing that the woman I married would commit
the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.

Tears were now running down her face. 'It's just that . .
I'm picturing you pulling on its . . its. . . teeny little '
She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once
more.

'That's enough,' I warned. We thanked the vet and
hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into
the car.. He was glad everything was going to be okay.

'I know Ernie's really thankful for what you did, Dad,'
he told me.

'Oh, you have NO idea,' my wife agreed, collapsing
with laughter.

Two lizards: $140.

One cage: $50.

Trip to the vet: $30.

Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie:

Priceless!

Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class.

Lizards lay eggs!


LOL? of course you are...

BUT, consider this -

In an average day your hands will have come into indirect contact with 15 penises (touching door handles, etc.)



Annually you will shake hands with 36 men who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.

Ladies, you're not scot-free - Annually you will shake hands with 11 women who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.

HAVE A GREAT DAY...

And wash your damn hands!

by the way, the source is the US Center for Disease Control...

stop-gap or windfall?

in the NYT's today:

Bush Calls for End to Ban on Offshore Oil Drilling

and

Will $4 Gasoline Trump a 27-Year-Old Ban?

There is no need to explain the headlines. They tell the story very simply. You can read the articles for yourself by clicking on them.

They claim that it will mean an additional 18 billion barrels of oil in the future. The future means that it will take about 10 years to build the drilling and production facilities.

In the meantime, according to the estimates, the US consumes approximately 21 million barrels each day. That means it would add 857.14 days worth of oil. OR 2.35 years.

def.: stop-gap n. 1. That which closes or fills up an opening or gap; hence, a temporary expedient.

It's not a stop-gap measure if it's going to take 10 years to develop.

def.: wind fall 1> something (as a tree or fruit) blown down by the wind
2. an unexpected, unearned, or sudden gain or advantage.


Windfall? Who do you suspect will fund the search for and production of the additional oil? YOU, ME, and THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT (again, you and me because we foot the government's bills.)


I was happy this week because for the first time in weeks and weeks it cost me under $70 to fill my tank (albeit only $67) but, if you stop and think about it, it's not something to be happy about.

how much did you pay this week?




just asking...

another reason we're lagging so far behind...

I posted about US commercials and how ridiculous and neanderthal they can be. They're obsessed with sex, pharmaceuticals and body odor prevention.

Andy Towle over at Towleroad posted this example of a TV commercial airing on British stations for Heinz mayo. It's cute; it's refreshing; it's non-assuming; and it's fun.

enjoy, and think about the day when everyone can be commonplace in our world...

Straight home from work, Sweet Cheeks.

spinning lady - optical illusion...

in which way is she turning to you?





If you see this lady turning in clockwise you are using your right brain.
If you see her turning the other way (counter-clockwise), you are using left brain.

Some people do see both ways, but most people see it only one way.

See if you can make her go one way and then the other by shifting the brain's current.

BOTH DIRECTIONS CAN BE SEEN.

Experimentation has shown that the two different sides or hemispheres of the brain are responsible for different manners of thinking. The following table illustrates the differences between left-brain and right-brain thinking:



Most individuals have a distinct preference for one of these styles of thinking. Some, however, are more whole-brained and equally adept at both modes. In general, schools tend to favor left-brain modes of thinking, while downplaying the right-brain activities. Left-brain scholastic subjects focus on logical thinking, analysis, and accuracy. Right-brained subjects, on the other hand, focus on aesthetics, feeling, and creativity.

If you look away, she may switch from one direction to the other.

If you look at her feet or relax and look at the floor where the reflection shows, she will switch direction!

me? i see her both ways.

just one more proof of how strange i am...

monday morning mayhem...

things to bring up in conversation...

The human body is a machine that is full of wonder. This collection of human body facts will leave you wondering why in the heck we were designed the way we were.

1. Scientists say the higher your IQ The more you dream.
2. The largest cell in the human body is the female egg. 3. The smallest is the male sperm.
4. You use 200 muscles to take one step.
5. The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.
6. Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.
7. A pair of human feet contain 250,000 sweat glands.
8. A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.
9. The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.
10. The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.
11. It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach
12. The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.
13. Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
14. At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.
15. There is about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
16. Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.
17. The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.
18. Your teeth start developing (in your gums) 6 months before you are born.
19. When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.
20. Blondes have more hair than dark-haired people.
21. Your thumb is the same length as your nose
22. At this very moment I know full well you are putting this last fact to the test

.... now remove your thumb from your nose, copy this, and pass this on to the friends you think might be interested in comparing their thumbs to their noses as well.


ummm, do you thing the insurance company covered it?

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.

Bubba said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles.' So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'

Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'


tchn rdn' sn't fn...

My five-year old students, are learning to read.

Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said,

"Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!"

I took a deep breath, then asked..."What did you call it?"

"It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture!"



" A f r i c a n Elephant "


And so it does...


sometimes, i don't know how i did it...

by the way, everyone should have been able to read the heading for this story. though we teach vowels first to kids, once you know how to read, they're really unnecessary. you can read without them. English is the most difficult language to learn.

and finally...





have a good week. take another route...

just havin' some fun...

fun... that's what this is. lots of fun...

a good friend sent me this. the video is from the Milwaukee Pride Event held last Sunday. Jim also happens to be in it. he and his dance partner won the Gold Medal at the Gay Games VII [the LGBTQ equivalent of the Olympics] when it was held in Chicago in 2006.

i guess i could also use the old cliche, "girls just wanna have fun", but i won't. oops... i just did!


thanks, Jim!




though i'm not a big fan of C&W, i really like the song - LeAnn Rimes' Nothing Better To Do

heehawwwww...

weekender...

If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius.

and these are some of our heroes and leaders...

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Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,'

-- Heather Whitestone, Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

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'Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.'

--Mariah Carey

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'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.'

-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking

campaign.

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'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.'

-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

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'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.'

--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

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'That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it.'

--A congressional candidate in Texas.

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'Half this game is ninety percent mental.'

--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'

--Al Gore, Vice President

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'I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.'

-- Dan Quayle

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'We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?'

--Lee Iacocca

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'The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.'


--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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'We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.'

-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.

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'Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.'

--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

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'Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas.'

--Keppel Enderbery

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'If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record.'

--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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Feeling smarter yet?

Well, maybe we should let Norman Einstein have the last word?







send this to all of your genius friends if you need to do so...

i'm watching Olbermann again...

and just had a really, really scary thought while listening to his Special Comment on John McCain's statement that pulling the troops out of Iraq is not the most important thing.

the really, really scary thought?

Rasputin Cheney as McCain's vice-presidential choice!

remember - "In a world where carpenters get resurrected, anything is possible."

what was the name of that other movie? you know, the one that has the line, "Be afraid. Be very, very afraid."


oh, my...

current tv commercials...

are driving me crazy...

the blue guy with the natural men's enhancement supplement is back.

cialys, viagra, levitra and ED are really nobody's business.

the new toilet paper commercial with the bears picking little pieces of toilet paper off their a**** is rude. bears with toilet paper are not cute.

the guy using his wireless in the middle of a cow herd needs to be stampeded.

and if that's not bad enough, as i've posted before, the stations - cable and mainstream - are timing their commercials so that when you surf, all you get are - commercials on every channel! [it's unAmerican, if you ask me.]

if you're a fan of commercials from other parts of the world, as i am, you find that they not only have a no holds-barred laissez-faire state of mind, but they actually entertain you without droning on and one with words.

the commercial below is from Australia and is for men's underwear. there is no Michael Jordan, Charlie Sheen, Cuba Gooding or the ferret who steals the entire ad. it's just fun...





now, there is one strange thing about it that i do not understand. it is a guy jumping & flying in the air with great smiles to a really great song. it's called the pillow biter ad. that'a the part i don't understand.

i mean, i understand it, but i don't know why they would call it that.

i didn't see him bite the pillow...

SCOTUS 5-4 ruling on freedom rights...

The Supreme Court of the United States this afternoon defended the right of prisoners being held, most incognito, at Guantanamo and other terrorist detention centers to have their confinement questioned using U.S. the court system.

WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Supreme Court ruled Thursday that foreign terrorism suspects held at Guantanamo Bay may challenge their detention in U.S. civilian courts. New York Times, 12 June 2008

Of course, the Bush/Cheney Administration just thinks the world has been taken away from them and ultra-conservative anti-terrorism afficionados believe that every building over 10 stories will have a plane flown into it now.

President Bush was unhappy with the ruling. ''We'll abide by the court's decision. That doesn't mean I have to agree with it,'' the president said during a press conference in Rome. ''It was a deeply divided court, and I strongly agree with those who dissented.''

Does this mean that he's going to ignore it? Can he do a signing statement with a SCOTUS decision?

This is the third time that the Tsar's protection plans for us have been ruled more or less unconstitutional.

In its third rebuke of the Bush administration's treatment of prisoners, the court ruled 5-4 that the government is violating the constitutional rights of prisoners being held indefinitely and without charges at the U.S. naval base in Cuba. The court's liberal justices were in the majority.

The significance of this decision is in one statement by Justice Kennedy's majority opinion.

''The laws and Constitution are designed to survive, and remain in force, in extraordinary times.''

No one is above the Constitution - NO ONE.

Of course, the Tsar and his minions can can just dilly-dally for the next 221 days and leave the next administration to clean up its mess.

or not...

this one couldn't wait for a weekender...

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.

Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.


Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard--I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.


i was rotflmao when i read this...

UPDATE 2: Article of Impeachment...

House votes to send impeachment resolution to Judiciary Committee

The House of Representatives voted Wednesday to send articles of impeachment against President Bush to the Judiciary Committee for review.

The impeachment resolution’s sponsor, Rep. Dennis Kucinich, requested a recorded vote on the motion around 3 p.m. Wednesday, and 24 Republicans joined nearly all Democrats in voting to send the impeachment measure to the committee. The Raw Story, 10 June 2008

The problem is the Judiciary Committee has had the Articles of Impeachment against VP Rasputin Cheney since November and they've done absolutely nothing with them.

and, of course...

Speaker Nancy Pelosi is sticking by her earlier pledge to make sure impeaching Bush and Cheney is an option that remains strictly “off the table.”

like i said in the first post on this, Pelosi [is she the tsarina?] should be impeached first...

this Congress is setting a very dangerous precedent. it is its duty to police the executive branch and it refuses to do so. it is not only shirking its duty but also turning the Constitution into more and more of a piece of paper and not a living document.

7 X 13 = 28...

now, here's who we need to solve all of the economic problems...




it works...

wait..., maybe this is how Mr. McCain is figuring things out?


i gotta think about this one...

UPDATE: Article of Impeachment...

At this moment, on CSPAN, the Secretary of the House is reading the Resolution on Articles of Impeachment that Rep. Kucinich admitted yesterday for consideration.

They are saying that there may be a vote tomorrow, Wednesday.

I still hold that there is no chance, but, as Eleanor of Aquataine in the play/movie The Lion in Winter said,

"In a world where carpenters get resurrected, anything is possible."

one can dream, can't one?

Articles of Impeachment against the Tsar...

Rep. Dennis Kucinich has entered a Resolution of Impeachment against Tsar George. Previously he had done the same concerning VP Rasputin Cheney. That one was killed before it could reach a hearing.

Calls for this action have been repeatedly snubbed by Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. [Why Pelosi opposes impeachment] Of course, this has also caused many people to call for her to step down or be fired from the Speaker's job. [Impeach Pelosi First]

Not only that, with only 147 days until the election and 223 days until the Tsar is gone from Washington, it's not going to happen. People want to just ride it out.
unless...





nah, won't happen. afterall, this is his general attitude...


...besides, who would you find to do it?

there should be a gospel according to Maxine...

anonymous comments...

over the last three years of posting i have only allowed three anonymous comments to be posted. i have a very strong believe that if someone wants to make a comment, they at the least should post a pseudonym.

the three that i did allow had legitimate things to say. two were about the loss of a person to AIDS and the people knew him and weren't aware that he died. they wrote comments that added to the post because they related the positive effect the person had for them.

the third dealt with the economy and poverty. it was a bit of research that added to the dimensions of the original post.

at the same time, i have rejected only one, and that was over this past weekend.

i have a very simple rule that i use, and i consciously decided this when i started posting. i decided, from reading other blogs & their comments, that i would not post comments that in any way were demeaning either to others or myself, were name calling, or untrue.

i believe that if someone is convinced they have something important to say, they should take responsibility for it.

anonymous, to me, signals that they not only don't have that confidence, but they also lack conviction and self-assurance - even if what they are saying is true.

it is much easier to hit & run than it is to be culpable.

this has got to be impossible...

but here is the proof...





wonder if Cirque du Soleil is looking for new acts?

the gratitude campaign...

the gratitude campaign
[click the above]

monday morning mayhem...

now that school is out...

A number of primary schools were doing a project on "The Sea." Kids were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the 'better' ones:

1. This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)

2. Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves to chargers. (Christopher age 7)

3. Oysters' balls are called pearls.(James age 6)

4. If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all around you, you are incontinent. (Wayne age 7)

5. I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth. Just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kyle age 6)

6. A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8)

7. When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7)

8. I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)

9. When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy shrink. (Kevin age 6)


all perfectly logical, if you ask me...


Ole's at it again...

A young Norwegian couple, new immigrants, decided to get married, so they went to the Municipal Office to apply for a marriage license.

The clerk, starting with the man, was helping the couple to fill out the forms. When he asked the man his full name he stated "Ole Oleson", to which the clerk replied, "You must be Norwegian", to which Ole replied, "Ya sure!"

When the clerk finished helping Ole to fill out all of the forms, he turned to the young lady and asked, "And what is your name young lady?", to which she replied, "Telma Swenson,"

The clerk looked at her blond hair and fair complexion and said, "You must have a little Norske in you too eh?" to which Thelma, blushing, replied, "Ya, Ole couldn't vait!"


they start young...

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny’s father to ask him for her hand. Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, ‘Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.’

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, ‘Well Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?’

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, ‘In Jenny’s room. It’s bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely.’

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, ‘Okay then how will you live? You’re not old enough to get a job. You’ll need to support Jenny.’

Again, Bruce instantly replies, ‘Our allowance. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That’s about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine.’

By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Bruce has put so much thought into this. He thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Bruce won’t have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, ‘Well Bruce, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two o f you should have little ones of your own?’

Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, ‘Well, we’ve been lucky so far.’

Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable.

more proof that abstinence only doesn't work. sorry, Mr. Bush...

weekender...

most of us work hard for our money...

others don't even know what it's worth...


THE $2.00 BILL I TRIED TO SPEND:

IF YOU'RE AS OLD AS I AM, THIS IS A RIOT!

Everyone should start carrying $2 bills! I am STILL laughing!! I think we need to quit saving our $2 bills and bring them out in public. The younger generation doesn't even know they exist.

HERE'S MY STORY:

On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about anyone getting irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.

Me: 'Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to go.'

Server: 'That'll be $1.04. Eat in?'

Me: 'No, it's to go.' At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.

Server: 'Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back.' He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them:

[Server: 'Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?'

Manager: 'No. A what?'

Server: 'A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me.'

Manager: 'Ask for something else. There's no such thing as a $2 bill.'

Server: 'Yeah, thought so.' ]

He comes back to me and says, 'We don't take these. Do you have anything else?'

Me: 'Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?'

Server: 'I don't know.'

Me: 'See here where it says legal tender?'

Server: 'Yeah.'

Me: 'So, why won't you take it?'

Server: 'Well, hang on a sec.'

[He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I'm a shoplifter, and says to him, 'He says I have to take it.'

Manager: 'Doesn't he have anything else?'

Server: 'Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change.

Manager: 'I'm not opening the safe with him in here.'

Server: 'What should I do?'

Manager: 'Tell him to come back later when he has real money.'

Server: 'I can't tell him that! You tell him.'

Manager: 'Just tell him.'

Server: 'No way! This is weird. I'm going in back.]

The manager approaches me and says, 'I'm sorry, but we don't take big bills this time of night.'

Me: 'It's only seven o'clock! Well then, here's a two dollar bill.'

Manager: 'We don't take those, either.'

Me: 'Why not?'

Manager: 'I think you know why.'

Me: 'No really, tell me why.'

Manager: 'Please leave before I call mall security.'

Me: 'Excuse me?'

Manager: 'Please leave before I call mall security.'

Me: 'What on earth for?'

Manager: 'Please, sir.'

Me: 'Uh, go ahead, call them.'

Manager: 'Would you please just leave?'

Me: 'No.'

Manager: 'Fine -- have it your way then.'

Me: 'Hey, that's Burger King, isn't it?'

At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy Comes in.

Guard: 'Yeah, Mike, what's up?'

Manager (whispering): 'This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money.'

Guard: 'No kidding! What?'

Manager: 'Get this. A two dollar bill.'

Guard (incredulous): 'Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?'

Manager: 'I don't know. He's kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty.'

Guard: 'Oh, so the fifty's fake!'

Manager: 'No, the two dollar bill is.'

Guard: 'Why would he fake a two dollar bill?'

Manager: 'I don't know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?'

Guard: 'Yeah.' Security Guard walks over to me. 'Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use.'

Me: 'Uh, no.'

Guard: 'Lemme see 'em.'

Me: 'Why?'

Guard: 'Do you want me to get the cops in here?'

At this point I am ready to say, 'Sure, please!' but I want to eat, so I say, 'I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill.

I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I 'm taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and he says, 'Hey, Mike, what's wrong with this bill?'

Manager: 'It's fake.'

Guard: 'It doesn't look fake to me.'

Manager: 'But it's a two dollar bill.'

Guard: 'Yeah? '

Manager: 'Well, there's no such thing, is there?'

The security guard and I both look at him like he's an idiot,
and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue.

So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too. Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could probably end up in jail. You get free food there, too.

Just think...those two will be voting soon

YIKES!!



gives real meaning to the phrase "Change we can believe in"


[pun intended, believe me...]

a gathering of eagles...

Dave sent me these photos from friends of his that live in Eagle River, Wisconsin. they snapped them this past December. the temperature that day was -5° F with a deep blue sky and, as you can see, it had just snowed. the eagles were right near their house. actually, it looks like they were sitting on someone's house...

they are incredible...

legacy of the last eight years...

Liza minelli cabaret - money
Uploaded by Hanvak

of course it's easy to allege that it's Tsar George's legacy, but i don't thing we can attribute it just to the Republicans. they are just the most obvious and don't hide it from the world. at least that's a bit of honesty on their part.

what is most disturbing is just how much money is driving the world. everybody wants it; everybody lusts after it; everybody needs it.

and the real cost? all we have to do is look around us.

there is more poverty; there are more and more natural catastrophes needing rescues with no resources; there is an environment that is depleting not only natural resources but the very air we breathe; there is an energy crisis that won't go away; there is an infrastructure problem that has roads, bridges, sewer, etc collapsing; there is a health disaster looming as well as one with pension funding...

yet, corporations, and i'll state the obvious with the oil companies, that are making record profits.

what is wrong with this picture?

just asking...

monday morning mayhem...

SISTER MARY ANN'S GASOLINE


Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting home bound patients when she ran out of gas.

As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas.

The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned.

Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.

She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient..

Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bed pan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, 'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.'

hey, at these prices, we should try everything...


haven't done a gratuitous blonde joke in a long time...

A blonde city girl named Amy married a Colorado rancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'

The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Amy sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one right here.'

The man, assuming he is dealing with an air head blonde, asks, 'Tell me lady, 'cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?'

'That's simple she said, by the nail that's over its stall,' she explains very confidently.

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, 'And what, pray tell, is the nail for?'

The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, 'I guess it's to hang your pants on.'

it's nice to see a blonde winning once in awhile...


here's your button to wear to work this week...







whatever voices you hear, have a good week...